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Feb 25 2008 07:32 pm

Posted by under Humor,Reality


On the first day, God created the dog and said:

‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give
you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like
the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you
twenty years.’

But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty,the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and
the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it
as a public service.

You should follow Grandma on Twitter here.


113 Responses to “NOW WE KNOW!!”

  1. RateMyLeftArm on 05 Mar 2008 at 2:32 pm #


  2. Mikw on 05 Mar 2008 at 2:51 pm #

    Very good.

  3. Ken on 05 Mar 2008 at 8:06 pm #

    Hmm.. this seems mostly accurate. however there are a few exemptions. For example, what if i win the lottery? and people who write poetry work indoors and they dont toil very hard. HA. DIDNT THINK OF THAT NOW DID YAH? GOD HAS SPOKEN.

  4. nik on 05 Mar 2008 at 8:31 pm #

    Yea…I’m sure thats the only flaw…because cows slave under non-human farmers and dogs lay on porches built by squirrels, and monkeys entertain non existent people. Time line is all off.

  5. KenIsADumbAss on 05 Mar 2008 at 8:44 pm #

    Ken, calm down. its just a joke. I bet you were one of those faggots who watch disney movies bitching about the unrealistics of animals talking

  6. Chase on 05 Mar 2008 at 9:19 pm #

    i read a story like this in my spanish class, except it was just a dog and a donkey

  7. Janine on 05 Mar 2008 at 11:08 pm #

    I bow to Ken. LOL

  8. Jesus on 06 Mar 2008 at 12:23 am #

    Funny ^^….but you wont win the lottery or write poetry, i know this because i am jesus and i know everything. Did you think of THAT?

  9. ELBSeattle on 06 Mar 2008 at 3:53 am #

    This is really dumb. Sorry.

  10. Dennis Brown on 06 Mar 2008 at 7:27 am #

    Its so wonderful and so true, thank you very much

  11. REDNECKS on 06 Mar 2008 at 8:13 am #

    For the first 18 ears I lived in freedom. For the next 4 years I educated myself with a degree and with good drugs and partying, as well as banging every chick on earth. The next 6 years I played hockey and rode a Harley, again banging every chick from Cali to Nova Scotia. The current 20 year span is wife, kid, and retirement. Sorry, what was the subject again? Oh yeah, redneck internet humor. I don’t get it.

  12. God on 08 Mar 2008 at 1:11 pm #

    Jesus, this is your father, you don’t know everything. I made you to be a savior of the people, not to be a prick.
    Ken, you are not me, and you have never spoken for me. You won’t win the lotto, sorry, I can change that, but I think you need to reflect on your life more. Even the kids at starbucks thinks your poetry sucks. But that’s ok, I still love you.

  13. Das Leben » Blog Archiv » Das Leben - erklärt! on 16 Mar 2008 at 3:54 pm #

    […] habe auf einen tollen Witz gefunden und ihn […]

  14. Jan on 07 Apr 2008 at 6:40 pm #

    Funny! I enjoyed it!

  15. Vayark on 05 Jun 2008 at 7:44 am #

    I am the alien commander Vayark. I believe that this report is true of most humans, although not to a lucky few. I will say no more.

  16. Holy Spirit on 09 Jun 2008 at 8:28 pm #

    Ah the Father and the Son are bickering again.
    Oh well… Anyone one want to be able to speak in tongues?
    (It is fun I swear)

  17. God's Advisor(The REAL God) on 24 Jun 2008 at 5:26 pm #

    God…don’t lie to Ken for you have never loved him and never will…His poetry does suck…And four days after this he will die a horrible and painful death…This is my decision for I AM THE TRUE GOD!!

  18. NoelJ » Be thankful, don’t complain on 10 Jul 2008 at 2:23 am #

    […] has now been explained to you. Source 1 [?] Share […]

  19. am here on 30 Sep 2008 at 12:23 am #

    nirvana at last!!

  20. Buddha on 15 May 2009 at 11:59 am #

    Shut up you guys.

  21. Allah on 15 May 2009 at 2:35 pm #

    Cut this shit out, you idiots.

  22. will on 10 Jul 2009 at 3:37 am #

    technically the human body is designed to live for no more than 40 years any way

  23. God's wife on 09 Sep 2009 at 10:48 pm #

    God, don’t go picking on ken. your exhausting your power and you know it. By the way, dinner is at six. we’re having ham.

  24. Satan on 20 Sep 2009 at 10:03 am #

    Hahaha. I love it when you guys argue.

  25. Thor on 20 Sep 2009 at 6:19 pm #

    All of you need to shut up, or I will end all of your 80 years with my mystical lightning hammer (that sounds slightly dirty….. uhhh…) good day to you all.

  26. Amen on 21 Sep 2009 at 10:38 am #

    In the name of the Father, the Son and the Horny Goat…

  27. on 21 Sep 2009 at 4:01 pm #

    E-Mail from Grandma » NOW WE KNOW!!…

    Surprisingly, this makes sense….

  28. Mammon on 22 Sep 2009 at 4:34 am #

    You’re all idiots. I am in control.

  29. Vishna on 22 Sep 2009 at 9:35 am #

    My many-arms will crush you all! Bow to Visha!

  30. Vishna on 22 Sep 2009 at 9:36 am #

    Vishna even!!!

  31. Lucifer on 22 Sep 2009 at 9:58 am #

    Shut up please, you’re giving me a headache

  32. A Theist on 22 Sep 2009 at 4:44 pm #

    Jesus, God, Satan, God’s wife, Mammon…you don’t exist.

  33. Thanks on 22 Sep 2009 at 7:33 pm #


  34. James Cardwell on 23 Sep 2009 at 12:53 am #

    Thank you for the insight babe i needed it.

  35. Robert on 23 Sep 2009 at 4:13 pm #

    That’s so true, you can’t argue with the results.

  36. nick on 24 Sep 2009 at 1:42 pm #

    no, nope.

  37. kenisadumbassisadumbass on 24 Sep 2009 at 3:11 pm #

    Just thought it needed to be said.

  38. ken drinks his own pee on 24 Sep 2009 at 11:14 pm #

    fuck ken t shirts are being made now…

  39. Dude on 25 Sep 2009 at 1:00 am #

    “Ken on 05 Mar 2008 at 8:06 pm #

    Hmm.. this seems mostly accurate. however there are a few exemptions. For example, what if i win the lottery? and people who write poetry work indoors and they dont toil very hard. HA. DIDNT THINK OF THAT NOW DID YAH? GOD HAS SPOKEN.”

    ^^ iDiOT

  40. fantinu on 26 Sep 2009 at 12:50 pm #

    Oh noes, I’m 20 so from now on I’m on cow’s life until going ape! :))

  41. Joe on 26 Sep 2009 at 1:21 pm #

    Except we use to have a shorter life time. But due to technology advances we are able to live longer. Also a lot of countries average life span is not around 80 years.

  42. Zeus on 26 Sep 2009 at 7:51 pm #

    The funniest part of all of this is the comments. Thanks, Ken.
    (shirts start at $10)

  43. Barbie on 27 Sep 2009 at 9:41 pm #

    Come on guys, leave Ken alone.

  44. Andrew on 01 Oct 2009 at 5:42 pm #

    Thank you? I have seen this several times over they years. You are by no means the creator.

  45. Skipper on 03 Oct 2009 at 3:45 am #

    Barbie, piss off. Ken can stand up for himself. You keep smothering him like this, yet you wonder why you’re relationship is so unsteady. You just got back together, don’t mess it up again!

  46. robb on 03 Oct 2009 at 10:46 am #

    LOL good one.
    this should be printed in t-shirts.

  47. Gabriel on 03 Oct 2009 at 11:51 am #

    Forgive me, God…But there is an urgent matter with the world right now. People are losing faith, and the United States is being destroyed by Satan’s son! Not to mention a war in the middle east….Heaven help the human race…This will be tough on them…….Oh! We ran out of angel food cake. Blasted Michael ate all of it after he got back from fighting thousands of demons from Hell.

  48. michaleena on 04 Oct 2009 at 9:01 pm #

    What about S.T.D’S? Cow or monkey or dog?

  49. mane on 09 Oct 2009 at 2:16 pm #

    this is totally photoshopped.. wake up people this is awesome and digital ;P

  50. frank on 09 Oct 2009 at 10:40 pm #

    except this wasn’t true when humans lived to be 39.

  51. another hacko on 14 Oct 2009 at 8:44 am #

    In the name of the father, son, and intotheholehegoes


  52. African Bob on 17 Oct 2009 at 2:07 am #

    god I hate Americans they think they own everything. They’re all so stupid, know nothing about World culture, geography or history and are so far up their own asses that they believe they are the best.


  53. Ben Bohning on 17 Oct 2009 at 3:04 am #

    This was Awesome. Super funny! Share this!

  54. Chuck Norris on 17 Oct 2009 at 8:24 am #

    God, Jesus, Satan and all you holy @#%!#%’s. STFU before I come and kick your holy asses and disable your heavenly internet cables.

  55. Paul on 20 Oct 2009 at 12:19 am #

    Very good :-) and true.

  56. vajay on 20 Oct 2009 at 9:03 pm #

    stumbled… fucken sweet

  57. smizen on 22 Oct 2009 at 12:30 pm #

    That is th second most true thing i’ve EVER seen on the internet!

  58. DGAS on 22 Oct 2009 at 7:28 pm #

    This was just stupid >.>

  59. kskafh on 23 Oct 2009 at 3:23 am #

    My name is Allah and I would like to say something, your life span shall be between 12-60 years depending on when you blow yourself in my name. That is all.

  60. James on 23 Oct 2009 at 7:53 pm #

    Very good, and funny! And reading through the comments I noticed that Ken had said “..what if…lottery?”

    There is a big hole in that logic of Kens. First off, doesnt god tell us that Gambling is a sin? So there for even if you were to win the lottery it would not be god’s wishes. Lol, gotta love people who take a good joke and try to over analyze it.

    2 thumbs up for this one.

  61. Kens Penis on 25 Oct 2009 at 4:36 pm #

    Ken is the shit

  62. OmG on 25 Oct 2009 at 8:31 pm #

    I saw this in Spanish, on a Mexican bus, is this Mexican?
    in both languages funny it is…

  63. Techgirl on 30 Oct 2009 at 1:39 pm #

    This is funny and a little sad! Does anyone know where I can get the Spanish translation? I would love to send this to my family in DR.

  64. Mohamad the teddy bear on 31 Oct 2009 at 4:36 pm #

    Compleatley true, now I am going to blow myself up.

  65. Nicole on 31 Oct 2009 at 5:17 pm #

    Super funny.

  66. Zeus on 02 Nov 2009 at 6:26 pm #

    You guys are idiots, someone could get struck by lighting. (Heh)

  67. sam on 03 Nov 2009 at 1:14 pm #

    everyone arguing over something so stupid hahaha … grow up ..

  68. Klamm on 05 Nov 2009 at 2:22 am #

    on the one hand it is a great joke
    but on the other hand it is so real!

  69. joy p chhetry on 10 Nov 2009 at 2:48 am #

    Well, when you mention God then every thing written is real sense. Its like the Loop of life.
    man is born = man is dead = 0 years = mourning = happiness
    man is 1 year = man is 90 = infirmity = depend on others
    man is 3 yrs = man is 80 = marginal infirmity = diaper years
    man is 5 yrs = man is 70 = mindset is firm = nil change thereafter
    man is 10 yrs = man is 60 = unpredictable = ‘Sathiya gaya hai !’
    man is 20 yrs = man is 50 = make it or break it period
    man is 25 yrs = man is 40 = settled and slog years
    man is 30 yrs = man is 30 = peak period of life !
    Follow God’s Loop and be Happy,

  70. A thought. on 12 Nov 2009 at 9:45 am #

    Just want to point out A Theist would believe in something as he is a theist. If he was an atheist then his post would of made sense.

  71. Shashikiran Srinivasa on 12 Nov 2009 at 11:43 pm #

    LOL……… Awesome!

  72. polite on 19 Nov 2009 at 11:10 am #

    To the 2 people making fun of islam it is impolit as that part is unallowed anyhow(suicide,murder of civilians) And many people forget they attascked iran simply on a guess afghanistan on no proof (except from a guy water boarded 100times(a teqnique severly mentaly abusive and illegal by americas constituition))

  73. Alex on 27 Nov 2009 at 1:43 am #

    Just hilarious

  74. Karlee on 29 Nov 2009 at 5:55 am #

    Ken, you are an idiot.
    God, Jesus, God’s wife, ect. you made me laugh, but you are idiots too, funny but stupid.
    A thiest you are utterly retarded. You mean athiest? If you do i hope when you die and turn into a tree you get cut down, dragged through mud, chopped up, made into paper, and the bible printed on you!
    To whom it may concern, the story thing was funny but what about the people from the bible who lived to be 800?
    P.S. Whoever said humans should only live to be 40, you are worse then all the idiots put together!

  75. ligneus on 29 Dec 2009 at 7:28 pm #

    Much better in the original form by Bros Grimm.

  76. biilly on 29 Dec 2009 at 9:02 pm #

    i guess life isnt a box of chocolates

  77. GIR on 31 Dec 2009 at 6:26 pm #

    I LOL’d. At the comments mostly. I love Stumble. <3

  78. Potatoe on 02 Jan 2010 at 11:34 pm #

    must “I like it!” now it made me laugh and think. The satire is interesting I will say some harsh comments are made but I life one must accept the tart apples along with the sweet cherries with the pitts. Wisdom is for the young and old alike. The journey is life but beware it’s destination.

    That is all I have to say be well and merry. (Yes I am an American, however I’d rather not to be judged for this fact for nationality does not matter it is the heart and soul that matters.)

    I seek the meaning of life in peace~.

  79. Caboose on 04 Jan 2010 at 9:14 pm #

    Haha that was great.

  80. Export on 11 Jan 2010 at 6:47 am #

    I bow to your superior wisdom.Like it.

  81. Harvey on 25 Jan 2010 at 5:46 pm #

    Ask any pookah. The truth is that the gostak distims the doshes.

  82. The Universe on 03 Feb 2010 at 2:03 am #

    I can’t believe no one made this contradiction yet (refer to name) after 81, now 82, comments.

    @Karlee: A theist is not a retard, silly. Please refer to google and type “definition of theist.” Once doing so, it may now make sense as to why “atheist” has an “a” in front.

    On subject: loving this! Disregard accuracy of the subject at hand to see how this post was made to be “man’s POV” mixed with good ol’ Christian belief, life philosophy and, of course, a tad of humor.

  83. Joe on 11 Feb 2010 at 6:58 pm #

    Polite maybe you should check your facts. The U.S. military has yet to step foot in Iran. Watch the news ever? Water boarding is merely a simulation by the way. The point is to make you think you are in danger, much in the same way as a popular place you may know as a them park.

  84. Joe on 11 Feb 2010 at 6:58 pm #

    theme* park

  85. ironmonger on 18 Feb 2010 at 7:32 am #

    @Karlee: It is funny that you’re not much different.

  86. Me. on 19 Feb 2010 at 2:35 pm #

    I found this on Stumble!!!
    <3 this!

  87. Blondie on 19 Feb 2010 at 9:14 pm #

    hahaha the comments were by far the best part :D

  88. Sega Genesis on 22 Feb 2010 at 11:04 pm #

    Stumbling from State College, PA! This is classic!

  89. reubsy420 on 06 Apr 2010 at 1:11 pm #

    That was the best story I’ve ever heard.

  90. lol on 08 Apr 2010 at 5:37 pm #

    omg its supose to be a joke. there is nothing realistic about it. so shut up and laugh because thats what this was intended for. you ruined it by fussing so cut it out

  91. minimummind on 08 Apr 2010 at 5:40 pm #

    stumble truly does rock oh ps why would you argue over a internet joke??????? and people though i was stupid shows them

  92. jr on 27 Apr 2010 at 10:25 pm #

    once i read the word God I was already hooked

  93. watever on 28 Apr 2010 at 11:34 am #

    like the comments,hilarious. and i have to say,stumble rocks!

  94. Pope John Paul CIIIVX on 06 May 2010 at 7:16 pm #

    Hey Blondie, wanna chat? You 12,f,chapel?

  95. Santa on 06 May 2010 at 7:19 pm #

    HELLO?? I'M REAL! Someone include me in this conversation, gaash!

  96. Jonno on 02 Jun 2010 at 5:54 am #

    You people are taking this way too goddamn seriously.  It was meant to be a mildly amusing joke, and now all of the idiots and spider experts have taken over the comment section.

  97. Cthulu on 23 Jun 2010 at 12:40 am #

    STFU all of you and bow down to me!!!!

  98. GODZILLA on 23 Jun 2010 at 2:27 pm #

    hey what's happening here?

  99. sitatmyrighthand on 25 Jun 2010 at 9:54 am #

    this was pretty neat.  i enjoyed the comment section profusely.

  100. Richard Nixon on 20 Jul 2010 at 4:06 pm #


  101. Patrick on 14 Aug 2010 at 4:04 pm #

    I think the only problem is the fact that when man was created we didn't nearly close to eighty years until man made medicine to fight diseases

  102. Jack Sparrow on 31 Aug 2010 at 5:48 am #

    (argh) who wants to go find the dead men’s chest?

    PS: don’t belive in this story! i’m 57 years old and look like a spaghetti xD

  103. Azhath on 16 Oct 2010 at 8:11 am #

    LOL!! that pretty much explains eevrything :P hehe nice one

  104. Patrick Swayze on 19 Oct 2010 at 8:06 am #


  105. Mindless Gibberish of a tired mind » Blog Archive » #6 Net round up on 15 Dec 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    […] and also the accumulation of items that on there own seem innocent.  We are also open to new perspectives and ideas that can be made […]

  106. Bruce Lee on 17 May 2011 at 10:20 pm #


  107. Chuck Norris on 18 May 2011 at 3:12 pm #

    Bruce, I can’t even begin to explain how entirely over-rated you are, especially when in comparison to me.

  108. Mr Rogers on 25 Aug 2011 at 8:39 pm #

    Oh please guys. We all know i’ll be the last one standing anyways. If i remember correctly though Chuck, Bruce beat you in a fight therefore Bruce Lee > Chuck Norris

  109. Russ on 06 Sep 2011 at 11:33 am #

    I didn’t ask anyone if I could live 80 years. And I also probably won’t.

  110. Daisy on 13 Sep 2011 at 4:11 am #

    I want my 40 years back! Ass wipes!

  111. Zoldemort on 12 Oct 2011 at 3:46 am #

    Can’t we all just get along?

  112. Buddah on 25 Jun 2012 at 12:41 pm #

    All this arguing and such is giving me a headache. you guys just gotta live life not be trolling around on the internet.

  113. northierthanthou on 30 Nov 2013 at 8:19 pm #

    Ha! …well played.

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