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Mar 03 2008 11:22 pm

Posted by under Humor


          BELIEVE it or not, these are REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on
the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and
cheese sandwich .
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table
and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an
eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.
My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My  wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
And the winner  is……….
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of  breath.
Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher:  Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m  at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are  you an asthmatic?
Caller: No .
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

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20 Responses to “REAL 911 CALLS”

  1. TC CARLSON on 07 Mar 2008 at 4:21 pm #



  2. Ryan on 07 Mar 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    These are really funny! haha

  3. mcgee on 08 Mar 2008 at 12:03 am #

    hey tc carlson. Whats so strange about people locking themself out of their car in their own driveway? It’s just as easy to leave your cars in the car at home as it is at the mall or somewhere elsse

  4. petal on 08 Mar 2008 at 5:29 am #

    der…i think the thing was…he needed an address…sheez

  5. mcgeeisanidiot on 08 Mar 2008 at 6:15 am #

    mcgee you idiot

    how is the locksmith meant to find the car with a cunty reply like that?

    the corerct response should have been: my car is at 3424 Mulholland Road or some other (preferably correct) address; not “in my driveway”

  6. jojo on 08 Mar 2008 at 6:22 am #

    mcgee, you missed what he’s saying. when he asks where the car is, he’s looking for an address.

  7. Ashers on 08 Mar 2008 at 7:09 am #

    Ummm, I believe TC’s point was that “in my driveway” is not a helpful answer for someone trying to find out where to go to help you. Better luck next time Mcgee.

  8. tnt on 08 Mar 2008 at 7:21 am #

    Hey, mcgee… the humor is that when the locksmith asks the location of the car, the customer says “in my driveway,” a location with no address. If the customer has said at 223 Main Street, then the locksmith would know where to go. Instead, the locksmith is relegated to searching all of the driveways in town. Ya know, when you have to ‘splain it, it ain’t funny no more.

  9. Kal on 08 Mar 2008 at 7:36 am #

    Hey mcgee – you just suceeded in being just as stupid as these people who made the calls – the point of TC Carlson’s post was that the person said “my driveway” instead of “here at my house at ### blank street” – i truly hate stupid people

  10. Peter Knight on 08 Mar 2008 at 7:50 am #

    Very good! I’m sure 911 people have many more of these. By the way, you have a very well designed site.


  11. Slyhand on 08 Mar 2008 at 7:55 am #

    Mcgee… The guy wanted to know an address. Kinda hard to unlock a car if all you know is that it’s in some dudes driveway…sheesh.

  12. cynic on 08 Mar 2008 at 8:20 am #

    Hey mcgee,

    The point was that TC couldn’t help the guy unless he knew where the car was.

    “My driveway” isn’t a very descriptive answer especially when you want someone to so up and help you.

  13. Graeme on 08 Mar 2008 at 8:21 am #

    Hey, mcgee you dumbass. Carlson meant to highlight that the caller telling him his car was on the driveway was stupid because that meant nothing to carlson who had to travel to the guys car. What he wanted was an address.

  14. Leito on 08 Mar 2008 at 9:04 am #

    mcgee, are you friggin serious ?

  15. Tina on 08 Mar 2008 at 10:13 am #

    Mcgee… It is stupid to say to call a locksmith, who doesn’t know you, and say “I need you, I’ve locked my keys in my car” and then NOT give an address when asked “where is the car”.
    Are you really this stupid, or do you work at it?

  16. Ashers on 08 Mar 2008 at 5:34 pm #

    lol, looks like all the comments to Mcgee were approved at once. I know there weren’t any here when I posted mine, now mines far down the list.

  17. Aubeard on 08 Mar 2008 at 11:25 pm #

    Admit it, McGee, YOU called the locksmith!

  18. fyra on 09 Mar 2008 at 1:23 am #

    I bet Mcgee was the one who called you to come unlock their car (in their driveway)…. *snickers and runs away*

  19. susie on 30 Dec 2008 at 5:55 pm #

    GEEZ! Leave poor mcgee alone!! so he had a brain fart….you perfect people you!!!!
    so you’ve never had a brain fart??? must be hell to be so perfect!!

  20. Don on 20 Nov 2013 at 12:28 am #

    Mcgee did you make the 911 call?

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