Archive for March, 2008

Mar 27 2008

Posted by under Humor

Women Drivers

This morning on the Interstate
I looked over to my left and saw a
 
 
Woman
 
In a brand new
Cadillac
 
 
Doing 65 mph
 
 
With her
Face up next to her
 
Rear view mirror
 
Putting on her eyeliner.
 
I looked away
 
For a couple seconds !
 
 
And when I looked back she was
 
Halfway over in my lane,
 
 
Still working on that makeup.
 
 
As a man,
 
I don’t scare easily.
 
 
But she scared me so much;
I dropped
 
 
 
My electric shaver,
 
 
Which knocked
 
The donut
 
Out of my other hand.
 
In all
The confusion of trying
 
To straighten out the car
 
 
Using my knees against
The steering wheel,
 
 
It knocked
 
My cellphone
 
 
Away from my ear
 
 
Which fell
 
 
Into the coffee
 
Between my legs,
 
 
Splashed,
 
 
And burned
 
 
Big Jim and the Twins,
 
 
Ruined the damn phone,
 
 
Soaked my trousers,
 
 
And disconnected an
Important call.
 
 

Damn Women Drivers!!!

No Comments »

Mar 26 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

Wal-Mart Cake

I can see this Happening. 

 

It took me a second, but just read the story under the picture.  

 


Keep in mind – this actually really did happen.

 

This is someone who was moving from an insurance claims office.
 

Okay so this is how I imagine this conversation went:


Walmart Employee:   "Hello ‘dis be Walmarts, how can I help you?"


Customer: " I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."


Walmart Employee:  "What you want on the cake?"


Customer:  "Best Wishes Suzanne" and underneath that "We will miss you".
 

STOP LAUGHING!

No Comments »

Mar 25 2008

Posted by under Humor

NUCLEAR POWER

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’ The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’ ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles. ‘OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’ The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have No idea.’ To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know Sh!*?

No Comments »

Mar 24 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

DOUBLE MEANINGS

Eight Words with two Meanings


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.  
Female….. Any part under a car’s hood. 
Male…. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra. 
 

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. 

Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. 
Male…. Playing football without a cup. 

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. 
 
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. 
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys. 

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. 
Female… A desire to get married and raise a family. 
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one. 

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. 
 
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book. 
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer. 
 

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. 

Female… An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. 
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. 
 

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. 
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. 
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it. 
 

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. 
Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another. 
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

1 Comment »

« Prev - Next »

E-Mail from Grandma - Blogged