Archive for April, 2008

Apr 26 2008

Posted by under Humor

Blonde logic.

Blonde LOGIC.
 
 Two blondes living in Townsville Queensland were sitting on a bench talking……
  And one blonde says to the other, "Which do
 you think is farther away………. Melbourne or the moon?"
 
 The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can
 You see Melbourne …?????"
 
 
 CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
 mechanic it died.
 
 After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She
 says, "What’s the story?"
 
 He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
 
 She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
 
 
 SPEEDING TICKET

 
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
 nicely if he could see her license.
 
 She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act
 together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
 today you expect me to show it to you!"
 
 
 RIVER WALK

 
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
 another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,
 "How can I get to the other side?"
 
 The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and
 shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
 
 
 
 AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE

 
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said
 that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
 
 "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
 
 The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
 screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even
 more. So she pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she
 pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched
 made her scream.
 
 The doctor said, "You’re not really a redhead, are you?
 
 "Well, no" she said, "I’m actually a blonde."
 
 "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken !"
 
 
 
 BLONDE ON THE SUN

 
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
 Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were
 the first on the Moon!"
 
 The Blonde said, "So what? We’re going to be the first on the
 Sun!"
 
 The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
 heads. "You can’t land on the Sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!" said
 the Russian.
 
 To which the Blonde replied, "We’re not stupid, you know. We’re
 going at night!"
 
 
 IN A VACUUM
 
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
 She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
 question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your
 name, can you hear it?"
 
 She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
 
 
 
 FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
 
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two
 new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
 responded by saying that one was named ‘Rolex’ and one
 was named ‘Timex’.
 
 Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like
 that?"
 
 "HELLLOOOOOOO……," answered the blonde. "They’re
watch dogs!"  

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Apr 25 2008

Posted by under Humor

KIDS DON’T YOU JUST LOVE THEM ?

LOT’S WIFE: The Sunday school teacher was describing how
Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little
Jason interrupted, ‘My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,’
he announced triumphantly, ‘and she turned into a telephone pole!’

GOOD SAMARITAN: A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story
of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, ‘If you saw a person lying
on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?’
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, ‘I think I’d throw
up.’

 
DID NOAH FISH? A Sunday school teacher asked, ‘Johnny, do you think
Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?’
‘No,’ replied Johnny. ‘How could he, with just two worms?’

HIGHER POWER: A Sunday school teacher said to her children, ‘We have
been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But,
there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?’
One child blurted out, ‘Aces!’

MOSES AND THE RED SEA : Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what
he had learned in Sunday School. ‘Well, Mom, our teacher told us how
God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites
out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a
pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed
headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge
and all the Israelites were saved.’ ‘Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher 
 

taught you?’ his mother asked. ‘Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher  
did, you’d never believe it!’

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD: A Sunday school teacher decided to have her
young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible -
Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little
Rick was excited about the task, but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm.
After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the
day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the
congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped
up to the microphone and said proudly, ‘The Lord is my Shepherd, and
that’s all I need to know.’

UNANSWERED PRAYER? The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her
father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting
his sermon. One day, she asked him why.’Well, Honey,’ he began, proud that
his daughter was so observant of his messages. ‘I’m asking the Lord
to help me preach a good sermon.’
‘How come He doesn’t do it?’ she asked.

BEING THANKFUL: A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, ‘So your
mother says prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What
does she say?’ The little boy replied, ‘Thank God he’s in bed!’

 
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER: During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there
was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy’s mother was
horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, ‘Tommy,
whatever made you do such a thing?’ Tommy answered, soberly, ‘I asked God to
 
teach me to whistle, and He did just then!’

TIME TO PRAY: A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every
night.’Yes, sir,’ the boy replied.
  ‘And, do you always say them in the  

morning, too?’ the pastor asked.  ‘No sir,’ the boy replied. ‘I ain’t scared 
in the daytime.’

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS?: When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers,
she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal
(current and past).For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly
prayer, Kelli would say, ‘And all girls.’ As this soon became part of
her nightly routine, to include this at the end, my curiosity got the
best of me and I asked her, ‘Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?’
Her response, ‘Because we always finish our prayers by saying ‘All Men’!’

SAY A PRAYER: Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner
at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as
the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he
started eating right away ‘Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.’
said his mother.
  ‘I don’t have to,’ The boy replied.  ‘Of course, you do,’ his 

mother insisted. ‘We say a prayer before eating, at our house.’ ‘That’s our 
house,’ Johnny explained. ‘But this is Grandma’s house, and she knows  

how to cook!

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Apr 24 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

Strictly for the Office!

What every office needs  




A rubber stamp we all need...

New Message Pads
Guess which asshole called...While you were out

























*** Forward this to at least 5 people and see what comes on your screen,
you will laugh your head off!!!!!!! This works. I don’t know how…

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Apr 23 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

Gasoline Humor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS ONE BELOW IS MY FAVORITE…LMAO! I have grandkids, too…they WOULDN’T believe this, either! And tha’s a SHAME!

 

 

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