Archive for June, 2008

Jun 26 2008

Posted by under Humor

anniversary

Mike was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary, and Linda was very
angry. She told him, ”Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway

that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"

The next morning Mike got up early and left for work. When Linda woke up she

looked out the window and sure enough there was a box, gift-wrapped in the
middle of the driveway.

Confused, she put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and brought the box
into the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Mike has been missing since Friday. Please pray for him.

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Jun 24 2008

Posted by under Uncategorized

ELDERLY….PRICELESS

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness,

The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had
sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio
at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This
story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might
need a lift today.

Dear Kean Elementary:


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for
the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it’s
nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your
kindness to an old forgotten lady.

 

 My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

 

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna

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Jun 23 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

P M S

                                 

THE HORMONE HOSTAGE

 


 THE HORMONE HOSTAGE KNOWS THAT THERE ARE DAYS IN THE MONTH WHEN ALL A MAN HAS TO DO IS OPEN HIS MOUTH & HE TAKES HIS LIFE INTO HIS OWN HANDS!  THIS IS A HANDY GUIDE THAT SHOULD BE AS COMMON AS A DRIVER’S LICENSE IN THE WALLET OF EVERY HUSBAND, BOYFRIEND, CO-WORKER, OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER!

 

 

DANGEROUS:

SAFER:

SAFEST:

ULTRA SAFE:

WHAT’S FOR DINNER?

CAN I HELP YOU WITH DINNER?

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR DINNER?

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.

ARE YOU
WEARING THAT?

WOW, YOU SURE LOOK GOOD IN BROWN!

WOW!
LOOK AT YOU!

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.

WHAT ARE YOU SO WORKED UP ABOUT?

COULD WE BE OVERREACTING?

HERE’S MY PAYCHECK.

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.

SHOULD YOU BE EATING THAT?

YOU KNOW, THERE ARE A LOT OF APPLES LEFT.

CAN I GET YOU A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE WITH THAT?

HERE, HAVE
SOME WINE.

WHAT DID
YOU DO

ALL DAY?

I HOPE YOU DIDN’T OVER-DO IT TODAY.

I’VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU IN THAT ROBE!

HERE, HAVE
SOME MORE

WINE.

 

13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
 
1. PASS MY SHOTGUN

2. PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWING

3. PERPETUAL MUNCHING SPREE

4. PUFFY MID-SECTION

5. PEOPLE MAKE me SICK

6. PROVIDE ME with SWEETS

7. PARDON MY SOBBING

8. PIMPLES MAY SURFACE

9.. PASS MY SWEATS

10. PISSY MOOD SYNDROME

11. POOR MEN SUCK

12. PACK MY STUFF
 
 & MY FAVORITE ONE
  13. POTENTIAL MURDER SUSPECT

PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR HORMONAL FRIENDS
& THOSE WHO MIGHT NEED A GOOD LAUGH!!
   
…OR MEN WHO MAY NEED WARNING!!

 

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Jun 22 2008

Posted by under Humor

WASH AND CURL

Subject: wash and curl

A woman stuck her head into a hair salon and asked,
“How long before I can get a wash & curl?
The beautician looked around the salon full of customers
and said, “about 2 hours.’ The woman left.
A few days later, the same woman stuck her head in the
door and asked, ‘ how long before I can get a
wash & curl?’
The beautician looked around at the salon and said,”
about 3 hours.’ The woman left.
A week later, the same woman stuck her head in the salon
and asked, ‘ How long before I can get a wash &
curl?’
The beautician looked around the salon and said, “about
a hour and a half.’ The woman left.
The beautician turned to her girlfriend and said, “Hey
Juanita, do me a favor.
Follow that woman and see where she goes. She keeps
asking how long she has to wait for a wash & curl,
but then she doesn’t ever come back.’

A little while later, Juanita returned to the salon, laughing
hysterically. The beautician asked, ‘So, where does that woman go when
she leaves?’
Juanita looked up, wiped the tears from her eyes and
said, ‘Your man’s house!’

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