Archive for July, 2008

Jul 14 2008

Posted by under Humor

Globalization

Finally,
a definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

 Question:
What is the truest definition of Globalization?

  

Answer:
Princess

Diana’s
death.

Question:
How come?

Answer :

An
English princess

with an
Egyptian boyfriend

crashes
in a French tunnel,

driving a

 

 

 German
car


 with a
Dutch engine,


 driven
by a Belgian

 

 

 who was
drunk


 on
Scottish whisky,

(check the bottle before you
change the spelling),


 followed
closely by

 

Italian
Paparazzi,

 

on
Japanese motorcycles;


 treated
by an American doctor,

using


 Brazilian
medicines.


 This is
sent to you by


 an
American,


 using
Bill Gates’s technology,

 

and
you’re probably reading
this on your computer,


 that
uses Taiwanese chips,

and

a


 Korean
monitor,


 assembled
by

 

Bangladeshi
workers


 in a
Singapore plant,


 transported
by Indian

lorry-drivers,


 hijacked
by Indonesians,


 unloaded by
Sicilian longshoremen,


 and
trucked to you by Mexican illegals…. .

.

.

.

.

.

That, my friends,
is
  what I call Globalization! 

 

 

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Jul 13 2008

Posted by under Uncategorized

Thoughts For Today…

Thoughts For Today.

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
 
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
 
A penny saved is a government oversight.
 
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
 
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
 
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
 
He who hesitates is probably right.
 
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL.’
 
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
 
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
 
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
 
There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt .
 
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs?’
 
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
 
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
 
Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the  roads weren’t paved.
 
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
 
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
 
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
 
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
 
First you forget names, then you forget faces.  Then you forget to pull up your zipper.  It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
 
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today, it’s called golf
.
 
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth…AMEN

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Jul 10 2008

Posted by under Humor

OBSESSIONS….

Subject: Obsessions….

A psychiatrist was conducting a group the rapy session
with four young
mothers and their small children. “You all have
obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother, Mary: ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even
named your daughter Candy.’
‘He turned to the second Mom, Ann: ‘Your
obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name,
Penny.’

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: ‘Your obsession is
alcohol. This too
shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.’

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got
up, took her little
boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, we’re
leaving.”

1 Comment »

Jul 09 2008

Posted by under Humor

MY PRIVATE PARTS DIED

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,

‘Yes, Nurse Tracy,’ said Mr. Wallace.

‘My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.’

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.’

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. ‘Mr. Wallace,’ she said, ‘You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that.

Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.’

‘But, Nurse Tracy I can’t,’ replied Mr. Wallace. ‘I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.

‘Yes,’ said Nurse Tracy, ‘you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?’

(You’ve gotta love this ….)

‘Well,’ he replied, ‘Today is the viewing.’

IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU

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