Archive for September, 2008

Sep 28 2008

Posted by under Humor

WILL I LIVE TO BE 100 ?

WILL I LIVE TO BE 100?

I recently turned 70 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was
doing ‘fairly well’ for my age.*

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist
asking him, ‘Do you think I will live to be 100?’

He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic
 
beverages?

‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I don’t do drugs, either.’


‘Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?’
‘I said, ‘No, I usually stay home and keep to myself’.


‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’
I said, ‘No, my other doctor said that all red meat is
unhealthy!’

‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf,
sailing, hiking or bicycling?’


‘No, I don’t,’ I said

‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’

‘No,’ I said ‘I don’t do any of those things.’

He looked at me and said, ‘Then why do you give a shit?

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Sep 27 2008

Posted by under Humor

Will put a smile on your face…

I got this from a friend and thought it was funny so……

 

 

 

 

A little something for you to get your mind off your troubles for a minute!

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 —CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.  She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.  She immediately moved to ano the r seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.  The man seemed more amused.  When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.  The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.  The man replied, ‘Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition.  She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.  Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,’ Logan ‘s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile.  Then she placed herself under a d eodorant sign that said, ‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself.  But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident’… I just lost it.’

‘CASE DISMISSED!!’

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

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Sep 10 2008

Posted by under Religion

BEST PRAYER 443

This is one of the best prayers I think I have ever read. Pray this even of you don’t  feel like it ! It will only take a minute. I started to not do this , but as I read it I understood God to say, ‘You need a miracle tomorrow’. So here goes… Proverb 29:25:
 

You never know
When God is going to bless you!!
Good things happen when
You least expect them to !!!!!!!!
Change the number in the subject box
When you forward it by adding one!!!
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,
I thank You for my being able to see
And to hear this morning.
I’m blessed because You are
A forgiving God and
An understanding God.
You have done so much for me
And You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything
I have done, said or thought
That was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe
From all danger and harm.
Help me to start this day
With a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day
To clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Please broaden my mind
That I can accept all things.
Let me not whine and whimper
Over things I have no control over.
And give me the best response

When I’m pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can’t pray,

You listen to my heart.
Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be
A blessing to others.
Keep me strong that I may help the weak…
Keep me uplifted that I may have
Words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost
And can’t find their way.
I pray for those that are misjudged
And misunderstood.
I pray for those who
Don’t know You intimately.
I pray for those that will delete this
Without sharing it with others
I pray for those that don’t believe.
But I thank You that I believe

That God changes people and
God changes things.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
For each and every family member
In their households.
I pray for peace, love and joy
In their homes; that they are out of debt
And all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this
Knows there is no problem, circumstance,
Or situation greater than God.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received
Into the hearts of every eye that sees it
In Jesus’  name.  Amen!
 If you prayed this prayer,
Change the number in the subject box
Before forwarding the message
So people can see how many
Other people have done so.
God Bless ! ! ! ! !
Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves!!
God I love you and I need you,
Come into my heart, please.
 
 

Pass this message to 10 people except you and me. You will receive a miracle tomorrow. Don’t ignore this and God will bless you. Know that you are already blessed  By the person who sent this to you.

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Sep 07 2008

Posted by under Humor

hey!!!! it’s grandma

OOPS!  SOUNDS FAMILIAR…….

 

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year
old next door whose bedroom looks like 
 
Mission  Control, and asked him to
come over.
 
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, ‘So, what was wrong? 

He replied, ‘It was an ID ten T error.’
 
I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, ‘An, ID ten T
error? What’s that?  In case I need to fix it again.’

Richard grinned.  ‘Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

No,’ I replied.

‘Write it down,’ he said, ‘and I think you’ll figure it out.’

So I wrote down:      I D 1 0 T
 
I used to like the little shit.

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