E-Mail from Grandma

WORRY

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become accountable for their

own actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached

spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It’s their life," and

feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for

doctors to put a few stitches in my son’s head. I asked, "When do you stop

worrying?"

The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident stage."  My Mom/Dad just

smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard

how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was

headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher

said, "Don’t worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit

back, relax and enjoy them."  My Mom/Dad just smiled faintly and said

nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring,

the cars to come home, the front door to open.  A friend said, "They’re

trying to find themselves. Don’t worry, in a few years, you can stop

worrying. They’ll be adults."  My Mom/Dad just smiled faintly and said

nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable.  I was still

worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle.  There was nothing I

could do about it.  My Mom/Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.  I

continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations

and absorbed in their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead

my own life.  I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my Mom/Dad’s

warm smile and their occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right?  Call me

the minute you get home.  Are you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry?  Is concern for

one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties

and the fears of the unknown?  Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that

elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where

were you? I’ve been calling for 3 days, and no one answered.  I was

worried!"

I smiled a warm smile.  The torch has been passed.

PASS IT ON TO OTHER WONDERFUL PARENTS

(And also to your children. That’s the fun part)