Jan 23 2009
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
8. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a-head.’
11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
12. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
13. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother ‘phoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
14. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
15. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
16. Don’t join dangerous cults; practice safe sects.