E-Mail from Grandma

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married
and wish you were dead.
 
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
 
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted".
Next day, she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine!"
 
When a woman steals your husband, there is no
better revenge than to let her keep him.
 
A woman is incomplete until she is married.
Then she is finished.
 
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, 
"I don’t know son, I’m still paying."
 
-A young son asked,
 "Is it true Dad, some parts of Africa a man doesn’t
 know his wife until he marries her? 
"Dad replied, 
"That happens in every country, son."
 
- Then there was a woman who said,
 "I never knew what real happiness was until I got
 married, and by then, it was too late."
 
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
 intelligence.
 
- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict
 attention to every word you say — talk in your sleep.
 
- Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would
 go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
 
- First guy says,
 "My wife’s an angel!"
 Second guy remarks, 
"You’re lucky, mine’s still alive."
 
- A Woman’s Prayer:
 Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man,
 to Love and to forgive him, and for patience, for his moods.> 
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I’ll just beat him to death"
 
AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
 
- Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with
 their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. 
When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
 only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. > 
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. 
After a while, the husband gets irritated by the
ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 
"Why don’t you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick?
 That ticking sound is driving me crazy." 
The blind man replies, 
"If you would’ve put a rubber at the end of YOUR
 stick, we’d be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."