Archive for April, 2009

Apr 21 2009

Posted by under Humor

SOMEBODY IS RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT….

SOMEBODY IS RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT!

One Nation, ‘Under God.’

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a

classroom. The teacher was going to explain

evolution to the children. The teacher asked

a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree

outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass

outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see

if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes

later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God up there?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That’s my point. We can’t see

God because he isn’t there. Possibly he just

doesn’t exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the

boy some questions.

The teacher agreed and the little girl asked

the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree

outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass

outside?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the

teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we

were taught today in school, she possibly

may not even have one!

(You Go Girl!)

‘FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT’

II CORINTHIANS 5:7

6 Comments »

Apr 17 2009

Posted by under Humor

Who’s yo Daddy?

Who’s yo Daddy?



The following are all replies that Dallas TX women
have written on Child Support Agency forms in the
section for listing "father’s details". Or putting it
another way… Who’s yo Daddy? These are genuine
excerpts from the forms (truth be told??). (Number 11
takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up Number 5 gives new
meaning to people from Virginia )

1. Regarding, the identity of the father of my twins,
child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to
the identity of the father of child B, but I believe
that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my
child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a
list of names of men that I think were at the party if
this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little
girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand
Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met
that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the
father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my
daughter
. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by
my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can
contact BMW service stations in this area and see if
he’s had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a
Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son’s conception was ejaculate and
that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A’s dad as he
informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that
would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I
am torn between doing right by you and right by the
country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all
blacks look the same to me.

8. Peter Smith Is the father of child A If you do
catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my
AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same
time. Well, I don’t have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was
conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the
Magic Kingdom .

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing
that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program
about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in
and watched more TV rather than going to the party at
146 Miller Drive , mine might have remained
unfertilized.

And now for Elena’s personal favorite….

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my
baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you
can’t be sure which one made you fart.

Yep, you guessed it right – you are all paying taxes
to support these intelligent souls.

No Comments »

Apr 14 2009

Posted by under Humor

Blonde at Starbucks….

Blonde at Starbucks….


A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s

a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming,

"I’ve won a motorhome!  

I’ve won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That’s impossible.

The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"

But the blonde keeps on screaming,

"I’ve won a motorhome!

I’ve won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says,

"Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken.

You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome

because we didn’t have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it’s not a mistake.

I’ve won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the

manager and HE reads…

(YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)

"W I N A B A G E L"


 


No Comments »

Apr 10 2009

Posted by under Uncategorized

Why, Why, Why…….

Why, Why, Why

Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw
a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to
give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a
shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It’s all
right?" Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, "That hurt, you
stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling
off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer
when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

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