Archive for May, 2009

May 21 2009

Posted by under Humor

Gassy Granny

 Gassy Granny

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, ‘I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because they don’t smell and are silent.’

The doctor says, ‘I see. Well, take these pills and come back to see me next week.’

The next week the lady goes back. ‘Doc,’ she says, ‘I don’t know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts — although still silent — stink terribly.’

The doctor says, ‘Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing…’

No Comments »

May 20 2009

Posted by under Humor,pictures

5 NUNS IN A BAR……

5 NUNS IN A BAR

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire’s Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionab le eastside neighborhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door

They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.

 

5 nuns in a bar

No Comments »

May 18 2009

Posted by under Humor

BBQ rules

 

New Standard Operating Procedures released today please learn

 

BBQ RULES We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine…

(1)
The woman buys the food.
(2)
The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3)
The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
(4)
The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:

(5)
THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine…

(6)
The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7)
The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:
(8)
THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine…

(9)
The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10)
After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.


And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12)
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

No Comments »

May 14 2009

Posted by under Humor

A Hispanic Boy’s Confession!!

AN HISPANIC BOY’S CONFESSION
‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned.I have beenwith a loose girl’
The priest asks, ‘Is that you, little Pepito Garcia?’


‘Yes, Father, it is.’


‘And who was the girl you were with?’
‘I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation’
Well, Pepito, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Mendez?’
‘I cannot say.’
‘Was it Teresa Morales?’
‘I’ll never tell.’
‘Was it Nina Cantu?’
‘I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.’
‘Was it Patti Perez?’
‘My lips are sealed.’
‘Was it Rosita De Leon , then?’
‘Please, Father, I cannot tell you.’


The priest sighs in frustration. ‘You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.’


Pepito walks back to his pew, and his friend Pancho slides over and whispers, ‘What’d you get?’


‘Four months vacation and five good leads.

No Comments »

« Prev - Next »

E-Mail from Grandma - Blogged