May 10 2009
Posted by Grandson under Games,Humor,pictures
Archive for May, 2009
May 05 2009
Posted by Grandson under Uncategorized
Marital humor
Marital Humor
Wife: ’What are you doing?’
Husband: ’Nothing’.
Wife: ’Nothing..? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for over an hour!!’
Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’
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Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’
Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
Wife: ‘Yes or no.’
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Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?’
Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how great it is, I look at your picture and the problem simply disappears.’
Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?’
Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’
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Stress Reliever Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden.’
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
Girl: ‘Well, that’s because we aren’t married yet.’
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Son: ‘Mommie, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to be polite and give up my seat to a lady.’
Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’
Son: ‘But mommie, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’
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A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me that fortune?’
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU THAT FORTUNE!’
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’
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A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my cooking, my
pretty face ……or my sexy body?’
He looked at her from head to toe, smiled, and replied:
‘Well …….I REALLY like your sense of humor!’
(He’s now resting peacefully in an unmarked shallow grave behind the garage!)
May 04 2009
Posted by Grandson under Reality
Great Responsibility
A PET’S TEN COMMANDMENTS. ………
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me
3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don’t be angry with me for long and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.
5. Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.
8.. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.
9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.
10.. On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can’t bear to watch. Don’t make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so.
~Take a moment today to thank God for your pets. Enjoy and take good care of them.
Life would be a much duller, less joyful experience without God’s critters.
~Now please pass this on to other pet owners. We do not have to wait for Heaven, to be surrounded by hope, love, and joyfulness. It is here on earth and has four legs!
May 03 2009
Posted by Grandson under Religion
You took my space
One day, a man went to visit a church, He got there early, parked his
car and got out. Another car pulled up near the driver got out and said,
" I always park there! You took my place!" The visitor went inside for
Sunday School, found an empty seat and sat down.
A young lady from the church approached him and stated, "That’s my
seat! You took my place!" The visitor said nothing.
After Sunday School, the visitor went into the sanctuary and sat down.
Another member walked up to him and said, " That’s where I always sit!
You took my place!" The visitor said nothing.
Later as the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them,
the visitor stood up, and his appearance began to change. Horrible scars
became visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet. Someone from the
congregation noticed him and called out, "What happened to you?" The
visitor replied, as his hat became a crown of thorns, and a tear fell
from his eye, "I took your place."
