Archive for June, 2009

Jun 29 2009

Posted by under Humor

Baptizing a drunk

Baptizing a Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again — – but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
*
*
*
*
*

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!

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Jun 28 2009

Posted by under Humor

Da end is near

Subject: ‘Da End is Near

Reverend  Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church and  Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the  road.

They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the  ground, that read:
 ‘Da End is Near Turn Yo Sef ‘Roun Now Afore It Be Too Late!’

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and  yelled, ‘You religious nuts!’

From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash…

Boudreaux turns to Thibodaux and asks, "Do ya tink mebbe da sign should jussay…..’Da Bridge is Out’ ?"

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Jun 22 2009

Posted by under Humor,pictures

Man with an ostrich

A man  walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The

waitress asks  them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich,

"What’s yours?"

"I’ll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40

please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change

for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A

hamburger, fries and a coke.

The  ostrich  says, "I’ll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is  Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,"

says  the man.

"Same," says   the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be   $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places

it on the table.

The waitress  cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,   sir.

How  do you  manage to always come up with the exact change in your

pocket every  time?"

"Well," says   the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and

found  an  old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me

two   wishes.

My  first  wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would  just

put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be  there."

"That’s   brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most  people would ask for a  million

dollars or something, but you’ll  always be as rich as you want  for as long

as you live!"

"That’s right. Whether  it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact

money is  always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What’s with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick

with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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Jun 17 2009

Posted by under Humor

Frozen Crabs and the Blond Stewardess

Frozen Crabs and the Blond Stewardess 

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up … so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.

2. Blonds aren’t as dumb as most folks think.

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