Archive for June, 2009

Jun 14 2009

Posted by under Humor

The IRS and Grandpa

Subject: The IRS and Grandpa

 

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
 IRS office.  The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa
showed up with his attorney.
 
 The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant
 lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by
 saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS
 finds that believable.’
 
 I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says
 Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’
 
 The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go
 ahead.’
 
 Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that
 I can bite my own eye.’
 
 The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a
 bet.’
 
 Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The
 auditor’s jaw drops.
 
 Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand
 dollars that I can bite my other eye.’
 
 Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he
 takes the bet.
 
 Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
 
 The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
 three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He
 starts to get nervous.
 
 ‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks
 ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand
 on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on
 the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
 between.’
 
 The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
 carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could
 possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
 
 Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
 although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream
 reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much
 urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
 
 The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
 turned a major loss into a huge win.
 
 But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in
 his hands.
 
 ‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
 
 ‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning,
 when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he
 bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in
 here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy
 about it!’


 
 Don’t Mess with Old People!!

3 Comments »

Jun 13 2009

Posted by under Humor

Three little ducks

Three little ducks go into a Bar…….

‘Say, what’s your name?’ the bartender asked the first duck.

‘Huey,’ was the reply.

‘How’s your day been, Huey?’

‘Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day.. What else could a duck want?’ said Huey.

‘Oh. That’s nice,’ said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, ‘Hi, and what’s your name?’

‘Dewey,’ came the answer from duck number two.

‘So how’s your day been, Dewey! ?’ he asked.

‘Great. Lovely day. I’ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?’

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, ‘So, you must be Louie?’

 








‘No,’ she said, batting her eyelashes.

‘My name is Puddles.’

Now tell me YOU’RE NOT going to Forward THIS.

1 Comment »

Jun 12 2009

Posted by under Humor,pictures

MOTHER RESCUING HER CHILD

MOTHER RESCUING HER CHILD






Look at the dog ‘ s face …This has to be what she is thinking: 

"What the hell just happened

D
id I just get my ass kicked by a squirrel ?!"

6 Comments »

Jun 11 2009

Posted by under Humor,pictures

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder if they come in different colors?
I wonder about the fragrance?

I wonder if it would help to put those preservative packets in the water?

I wonder if they bloom?

I wonder whether they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entry?

I wonder if they’re cheaper by the dozen?

I wonder if they come in long-stemmed?

 
 
 
 
 

Captured at 115th and Allisonville Rd. , in Fishers ( Indianapolis ).

The
  sign is real and was up for two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell PEONIES!!!!!

1 Comment »

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