Archive for October, 2009

Oct 25 2009

Posted by under Humor,Reality

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD

>BEST POEM IN THE WORLD
>
>I was shocked, confused, bewildered
>As I entered Heaven's door,
>Not by the beauty of it all,
>Nor the lights or its decor.
>But it was the folks in Heaven
>Who made me sputter and gasp–
>The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
>The alcoholics and the trash.
>There stood the kid from seventh grade
>Who swiped my lunch money twice.
>Next to him was my old neighbor
>Who never said anything nice.
>Herb, who I always thought
>Was rotting away in hell,
>Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
>Looking incredibly well.
>I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
>I would love to hear Your take.
>How'd all these sinners get up here?
>God must've made a mistake.
>'And why's everyone so quiet,
>So somber – give me a clue.'
>'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
>No one thought they'd be seeing you.'
>
>JUDGE NOT!!
>
>Remember…Just going to church doesn't make you a
>Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
>
>Every saint has a PAST…
>Every sinner has a FUTURE!
>Now it's your turn…, Share this poem.

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Oct 24 2009

Posted by under Humor

How to Stop Church Gossip

How to Stop Church Gossip

church

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's
only bar one after noon.

bar

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there would know what he was doing !

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing..

house
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup
in front of Mildred's house ….. walked home … . .and left it there all night!!!

  

(You gotta love Frank!)

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA
 
 
FREEDOM ISN'T FREE…SOMEONE HAD TO PAY FOR IT
 
 
If you can read this…thank a teacher.
 
 
If you can read this in English…thank a veteran.

2 Comments »

Oct 23 2009

Posted by under Humor

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO

            KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO

             Alabama

             Hell Yes, We Have Electricity.

             Alaska

             We can Wave to the Russians!

             Arizona

             Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.

             Arkansas

             Literacy Ain't Everythang.

             California

             By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

             Colorado

             If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.

             Connecticut

             Like Massachusetts , only smaller

             Delaware

             We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.

             Florida

             Ask Us About Our Grandkids……And Our Voting Skills

             Georgia

             We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.

             Hawaii

             Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)

             Idaho

             More Than Just Potatoes…

                        Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

             Illinois

             Please, Don't Pronounce the "S"

             Indiana

             2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

             Iowa

             We Do Amazing Things With Corn

             Kansas

             First Of The Rectangle States

             Kentucky

             Five Million People;

             Fifteen Last Names

             Louisiana

             We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.

             Maine

             We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

             Maryland

             If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

             Massachusetts

             Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt!

             Michigan

             First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

             Minnesota

             10,000 Lakes… And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes

             Mississippi

             Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State

             Missouri

             Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

             Montana

             Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections!

             Nebraska

             Ask About Our State Motto Contest

             Nevada

             Hookers and Poker!

             New Hampshire

             Go Away And Leave Us Alone

             New Jersey

             You Want A ##$%##! Motto?

                           I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!

             New Mexico

             Lizards Make Excellent Pets

             New York

             You Have The Right To Remain Silent,

             You Have The Right To An Attorney…And no Right to

              Self-Defense!

             North Carolina

             Tobacco Is A Vegetable

             North Dakota

             We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

             Ohio

             At Least We're Not Michigan

             Oklahoma

             Like The Play, But No Singing

             Oregon

             Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner

             Pennsylvania

             Cook With Coal

             Rhode Island

             We're Not REALLY An Island

             South Carolina

             Remember The Civil War?

             Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet

             South Dakota

             Closer Than North Dakota

             Tennessee

             Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum

             Texas

             Se Hable Ingles

             Utah

             Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

             Vermont

             Too liberal for the Kennedy's

             Virginia

             Who Says Government Stiffs And

             Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

             Washington

             Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!

             West Virginia

             One Big Happy Family…Really!

             Wisconsin

             Come Cut the Cheese!

             Wyoming

             Where Men Are Men… And The Sheep Are Scared. Home of Brokeback Mtn. ( Yeepee )

             The District of Columbia

             The Work-Free Drug Place !

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Oct 22 2009

Posted by under Humor

Note on the Refrigerator

 

Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning:

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that
you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you
and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I
hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be
spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn
Hotel
. Please don't be upset, I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on
the dining room table:

My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
about my being 54 years old… I would like to take this opportunity to
remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math
teacher at our local college.  I would like to inform you that while you
read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
and like your secretary, is 18 years old.  As a successful businessman
who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are
in the same situation, although with one small difference – 18 goes into
54 a lot more times than
54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

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