Archive for January, 2010

Jan 30 2010

Posted by under Humor

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE  


(1)  Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 
  
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 
  
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 
  
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) 
  
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 
  
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever'). 
  
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F– YOU! 
  
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3. 
  
* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. 
  
* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!

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Jan 25 2010

Posted by under Tips

Try these:

Happy New Year! May 2010 bring you much success and happiness.

Sharing some great tips enjoy!

 

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water. 
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. 
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants… 
4. Live with the 3 E's — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy 
5. Make time to pray. 
6. Play more games 
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 . 
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day 
9. Sleep for 7 hours. 
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile. 

Personality
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment. 
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits. 
14. Don't take yourself so seriously.. No one else does. 
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.. 
16. Dream more while you are awake 
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.. 
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness. 
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others. 
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present. 
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime. 
23. Smile and laugh more. 
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree… 

Society
25. Call your family often. 
26. Each day give something good to others. 
27. Forgive everyone for everything.. 
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. 
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day. 
30. What other people think of you is none of your business. 
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. 

Life
32. Do the right thing! 
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 
34. GOD heals everything. 
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change… 
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 
37. The best is yet to come… 
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it. 
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. 

Best Wishes for 2010!!

kitty kiss

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Jan 24 2010

Posted by under Humor

ReTHINKING RESOLUTIONS

smiling doctor
Q: Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?  
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don't waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.  

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?  
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and corn.  And what are these?   Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?  
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way..  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?  
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?  
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!

        

Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?  
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?   

Q
:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?  
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.  

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?   
A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  
A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?   
A:  Hey!  'Round' a shape!  

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!"

  

AND….

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.  

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.  

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of  sausages and fats  
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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Jan 17 2010

Posted by under Humor

HOW IS NORMA?

HOW IS NORMA?

 
               A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked,
               'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is

               doing?'

 

               The operator said, 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room

               number?'

 

               The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, 'Norma Findlay Room 302.'

 

               The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while I check with her

               nurse. After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,

               'Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very

               well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as

               normal, and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged

               on Tuesday.'

 

               The grandmother said, 'Thank you.  That's wonderful! I was so worried!

               God bless you for the good news.'

 

               The operator replied, 'You're more than welcome.  Is Norma your daughter?'

 

                The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302.  No one tells me shit.

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