Archive for January, 2010

Jan 14 2010

Posted by under Humor

Two Ladies in Heaven…

Two Ladies in Heaven….

                 

1st woman:  Hi!  My name is Sherry.            

2nd woman:  Hi!   I'm Sylvia.   How'd you die?

1st woman:  I froze to death.

 2nd woman:  How horrible!

 1st woman:  It wasn't so bad.   After I quit shaking from the cold,  I began to get warm &  sleepy,  & finally died a peaceful death.   What about you?

 2nd woman:  I died of a massive heart attack.   I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.   But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

 1st woman:  So, what happened?

 2nd woman:  I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.   I ran up into the attic & searched, then down into the basement.   Then, I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.   I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally, I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

 1st woman:  Too bad you didn't look in the freezer — We'd both still be alive!

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Jan 10 2010

Posted by under Humor

WALKING

The  Importance of  Walking
Walking  can add minutes to your life.
This enables  you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5  months in a nursing
home at $7000 per  month.

My grandpa  started walking
five miles a day when he was  60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't  know where the hell he is.

I like long  walks,
especially when they are taken
by  people who annoy me.

The  only reason I would take up walking
is so  that I could hear heavy breathing  again
.

I have to walk  early in the morning,
before my brain figures  out what I'm doing….

I  joined a health club last year,
spent about  400 bucks.
Haven't lost a  pound.
Apparently you have to go  there….

Every time I hear  the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth  out with chocolate.

I do have flabby  thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers  them.

The advantage of  exercising every day
is so when you die,  they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't  she.'

If you are going  to try cross-country skiing,
start with a  small country.

I know I got a  lot of exercise
the last few  years,……
just getting over the  hill.

We all get  heavier as we get older,
because there's a  lot more information in our heads.
That's my  story and I'm sticking to  it.

Every time I  start thinking too much
about how I  look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and  by the time I leave,
I look just  fine.

 I  could  run this  over  to my friends, but will just email it to  ya!

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Jan 05 2010

Posted by under Humor,pictures,Religion

NEW CHURCH SIGNS

   Once you reach the bottom, do what it says………….

 It actually works!
 
New Church Signs


 
  





 
 



 



 Life is Hard

 
Afterlife is Harder!
 
 

 
 Love this next one
 

 
V
 
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V
 
 ******
 


 
____________________
 
 
Please forward this to everyone you know and something
 Good will happen to you in the next hour…

Just watch and wait for it.

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E-Mail from Grandma - Blogged