Archive for September, 2010

Sep 24 2010

Posted by under Humor

WHEN I SAY I’M BROKE – I’M BROKE!

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE – I'M BROKE!


A little old lady answered a knock on the door

one day to be confronted by a well-dressed

young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

 

"Good  morning," said the young man. "If I could

take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to

demonstrate the very latest in high-powered 

vacuum cleaners…"

 

''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and

haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to

close the door.

 

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot

in the door and pushed it wide open… ''Don't be

too hasty'' he said, ''not until you have at least

seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he

emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her

hallway carpet. 

 

"Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all

traces of this horse manure from your carpet,

Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

 

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me

get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity

this morning!"

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Sep 08 2010

Posted by under Humor

Creating Husbands

While creating Husbands,

God promised Women that good and ideal
Husbands would be found in every corner of the world.

And then He made the earth round….

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Sep 06 2010

Posted by under Humor

Ol’ Blue

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this – they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that sucker before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. As a Congressman.

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Sep 05 2010

Posted by under Religion

MY SON

My Son

 

This is great.  Take a moment to read it; it will make your day!

 

;

The ending will surprise you.

 

 

Take my Son…..

 

 

 

 

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had everything in their collection, fromPicasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art..

 

 

 

When the Vietnamconflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

 

 

 

 

About a month later, just before Christmas,

 

 

There was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands..

 

 

 

 

He said, 'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly… He often talked about you, and your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much. I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'

 

 

 

 

The father

 

Opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift.'

 

 

 

 

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

 

 

 

 

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their collection.

 

 

 

 

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?'

 

 

 

 

There was silence…

 

 

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one.'

 

 

 

 

But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?'

 

 

 

 

Another voice angrily. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts. Get on with the Real bids!'

 

 

 

But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'

 

 

 

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting…' Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

 

 

 

'We have $10, who will bid $20?'

 

 

'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.'

 

 

 

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.

 

 

 

 

They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

 

 

 

The auctioneer pounded the gavel.. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!'

 

 

 

A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the collection!'

 

 

 

 

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'

 

 

 

'What about the paintings?'

 

 

 

 

'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will… I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings.

 

 

 

 

The man who took the son gets everything!'

 

 

 

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on the cross. Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: 'The son, the son, who'll take the son?'

 

 

 

 

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

 

 

 

 

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON, WHO SO EVER BELIEVETH, SHALL HAVE ETERNAL LIFE…THAT'S LOVE

 

 

 

 

Please send this to ten people and back to the one who sent it to you.

God Bless.

If I don't get this back, I will know you really didn't read it. I got this from someone and thought the last part was really a good thought..

Too bad  that the person who sent it to me did not know 10 people who would admit to knowing the Lord.

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