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Jul 13 2008

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Thoughts For Today…

Thoughts For Today.

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
 
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
 
A penny saved is a government oversight.
 
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
 
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
 
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
 
He who hesitates is probably right.
 
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL.’
 
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
 
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
 
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
 
There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt .
 
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs?’
 
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
 
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
 
Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the  roads weren’t paved.
 
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
 
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
 
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
 
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
 
First you forget names, then you forget faces.  Then you forget to pull up your zipper.  It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
 
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today, it’s called golf
.
 
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth…AMEN

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Jun 30 2008

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Wisdom with Age

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George Carlin on age.
(Absolutely Brilliant)

IF YOU DON’T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY I N YOUR LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON.
George Carlin’s Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

‘How old are you?’I’m four and a half!’ You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

‘How old are you?’ ‘I’m gonna be 16!’ You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; ‘I Was JUST 92.’

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. ‘I’m 100 and a half!’
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them.’

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love,  whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can im prove, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don’t send this to at least 8 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!
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Jun 24 2008

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ELDERLY….PRICELESS

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness,

The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had
sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio
at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you. This
story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might
need a lift today.

Dear Kean Elementary:


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior
citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for
the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it’s
nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your
kindness to an old forgotten lady.

 

 My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

 

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna

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May 04 2008

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Fifty dollars is fifty dollars



 

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter."

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars and fifty dollars is fifty dollars"

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I’m 85 years old.  If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

To this, Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!"

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