E-Mail from Grandma

CIA Job Interview

The CIA had an opening for an assassin...

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances.  Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a
chair...  kill  her!!

The man said, 'You can't be serious.  I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.  Take your
wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room.  All was quiet for about 5
minutes.  The man came out with tears in his eyes.
'I tried, but I
 can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don' have what it takes.  Take your wife
home.'

Then it was the woman's turn...
She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.  She took the
gun and went into the room.  Shots were heard, one after another.  They
heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.  After a few minutes,
all was quiet.  The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping
the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks,' she said.  'I had to beat him to
death
with the chair.'

                        MORAL:
                        Women are crazy.
                        Don't mess with them. 

Tags: men, stereotypes, women

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Finally,
a definition of globalization that I can understand and to which I now can relate:

Tags: economy, politics

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Thoughts For Today.

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
 
When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
 
A penny saved is a government oversight.
 
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
 
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
 
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
 
He who hesitates is probably right.
 
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ‘ XL.’
 
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
 
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
 
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
 
There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt .
 
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ‘Theirs?’
 
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
 
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
 
Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me, I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way and some of the  roads weren’t paved.
 
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
 
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
 
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
 
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
 
First you forget names, then you forget faces.  Then you forget to pull up your zipper.  It’s worse when you forget to pull it down.
 
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.  Today, it’s called golf.
 
Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth…AMEN

Tags: one liners

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Subject: Obsessions….

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got
up, took her little
boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, we’re
leaving.”

Tags: stereotypes, women

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