E-Mail from Grandma » blondes

Degrees of Blonde

Grandson — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 06:32:05 +0000

7 degrees of Blonde
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone,
listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!" and hung up..

The husband asked, "Who was that?"

The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, jerk, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, .. I know 'em all."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy .. it's W."

FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs.. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, "That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware ."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

OKAY, FORWARD THIS TO ANYONE ELSE
YOU MIGHT THINK NEEDS A LAUGH TODAY

Blonde Password

Grandson — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 02:53:59 +0000

During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a

blonde receptionist was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she

was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and

Include at least one capital.

Frozen Crabs and the Blond Stewardess

Grandson — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:52:18 +0000

Frozen Crabs and the Blond Stewardess

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator.

He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up … so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren’t as smart as they think they are.

2. Blonds aren’t as dumb as most folks think.

Blonde at Starbucks….

Grandson — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 03:36:31 +0000

Blonde at Starbucks….

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s

a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming,

"I’ve won a motorhome!

I’ve won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That’s impossible.

The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"

But the blonde keeps on screaming,

"I’ve won a motorhome!

I’ve won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says,

"Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken.

You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome

because we didn’t have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it’s not a mistake.

I’ve won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the

manager and HE reads…

(YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)

"W I N A B A G E L"