Archive for the Tag 'children'

Apr 21 2009

Posted by under Humor

SOMEBODY IS RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT….

SOMEBODY IS RAISING THEIR KID RIGHT!

One Nation, ‘Under God.’

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a

classroom. The teacher was going to explain

evolution to the children. The teacher asked

a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree

outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass

outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see

if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes

later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God up there?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That’s my point. We can’t see

God because he isn’t there. Possibly he just

doesn’t exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the

boy some questions.

The teacher agreed and the little girl asked

the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree

outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass

outside?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the

teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we

were taught today in school, she possibly

may not even have one!

(You Go Girl!)

‘FOR WE WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT’

II CORINTHIANS 5:7

6 Comments »

Apr 17 2009

Posted by under Humor

Who’s yo Daddy?

Who’s yo Daddy?



The following are all replies that Dallas TX women
have written on Child Support Agency forms in the
section for listing "father’s details". Or putting it
another way… Who’s yo Daddy? These are genuine
excerpts from the forms (truth be told??). (Number 11
takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up Number 5 gives new
meaning to people from Virginia )

1. Regarding, the identity of the father of my twins,
child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to
the identity of the father of child B, but I believe
that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my
child as I was being sick out of a window when taken
unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a
list of names of men that I think were at the party if
this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little
girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand
Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met
that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the
father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don’t know the identity of the father of my
daughter
. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by
my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can
contact BMW service stations in this area and see if
he’s had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a
Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son’s conception was ejaculate and
that he is the Saver risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A’s dad as he
informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that
would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I
am torn between doing right by you and right by the
country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all
blacks look the same to me.

8. Peter Smith Is the father of child A If you do
catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my
AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same
time. Well, I don’t have clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was
conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the
Magic Kingdom .

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing
that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program
about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in
and watched more TV rather than going to the party at
146 Miller Drive , mine might have remained
unfertilized.

And now for Elena’s personal favorite….

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my
baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you
can’t be sure which one made you fart.

Yep, you guessed it right – you are all paying taxes
to support these intelligent souls.

No Comments »

Mar 24 2009

Posted by under Humor

children in church

A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded..  His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
 

 
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."
 
 
 
 
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord’s Prayer at a church service,
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash against us."
 

 

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
 


A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
 


Ms.  Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. 
She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms.. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus.  But who’s the fourth person?"
"Oh, that’s Pontius – the pilot!"
 
 
 
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook."
 
 
 
 

This is the best one.

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch
his wrinkled cheek.
 
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God’s getting better at it, isn’t he ?"
 

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Mar 22 2009

Posted by under Humor

Denny’s special

In honor of the mother of the octuplets, Denny’s is offering a new breakfast meal:

You get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

1 Comment »

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