E-Mail from Grandma » culture

Denny’s special

Grandson — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 05:06:02 +0000

In honor of the mother of the octuplets, Denny’s is offering a new breakfast meal:

You get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

LIVING IN TEXAS

Grandson — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 05:45:39 +0000

Things I learned living in Texas

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in Texas, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
4. If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it’ll bite cha.
5. ‘Onced’ and ‘Twiced’ are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
7. ‘Jaw-P?’ means ‘Did ya’ll go to the bathroom?’
8. People actually grow and eat okra.
9. ‘fixinto’ is one word.
10. There is no such thing as ‘lunch’. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
12. Backwards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.’
13. The word ‘jeet’ is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’.
14. You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
15. You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH EM.
16. ‘No. Jew?’ is a common response to the question ‘Did you bring any beer?’.
17. You measure distance in minutes.
18. You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
19. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
20. You know what a ‘DAWG’ is.
21. You carry jumper cables in your car — for your OWN car.
22. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.
23. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.
24. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
25. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit ‘a bit warm’.
26. You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
27. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time know as ‘g oin’ Wal-Martin’ or ‘off to Wally World’
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
29. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
30. We don’t need no dang driver’s ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
31. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Texas friends and those who just wish they were from

YOUR A MEXICAN…….

Grandson — Sat, 10 May 2008 05:35:02 +0000

If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas….Your a Mexican!!

If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vendingbusiness…Yes, you’re a Mexican.
If you pronounce words beginning with the letter ‘S’ by putting an ‘E’ in front of it, (estop instead of stop)…big time Mexican.
If you call a chair, a sher, you got it…. Mexican.
If you have ever hurt yourself and your mama rubbed the area while chanting, ‘ Sana , Sana , Colita de rana…..’ You’re Mexican, big time!!!
If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere, your car, truck, or tattooed on your back…Yes, you ARE a Mexican (proud one too).
If you refer to your wife as your ruca, your hina, your wifa, your old lady, mija or your vieja, guess what?…Not only are you a Mexican, you’re a cholo.
If you throw a ‘Grito’ every time you hear Vicente Fernandez…then not only are you a Mexican, but you are a drunk Mexican.
If you have ever been pinched in church and been told ‘pobrecito de ti si lloras’ or ‘Vas a ver orita que salgamos.’ …Yes, you’re definitely a Mexican.
If you grew up being called ‘chamaca or chamaco’ ..Mexican.
If you grew up scared of La Llorona, or fear the dark because of El CuCuy! ..Yes! Mexican!
Si te persinas with a lotto ticket in your hand before every drawing….You’re in the Mexican Zone!!!
If you ask for something by ‘dame esa chingadera’ instead of calling it by its name…Yup! Mexican!
If you constantly refer to cereal as ‘con fleys’ or cake as ‘kay-ke’…You’re a Mexican.
If you use manteca instead of vegetable oil and can’t figure out why your butt is getting bigger……You might be a Mexican.
If you have some Tias that dress up in their prom dresses to go to a birthday party at ’el
parque’… Guess what? You are a Mexican.
If your Tias and Abuela dress up in their Sunday best with heels and all to go to the ‘pulga.’ (AKA the Flea Market) …Then, yes, you are a True Mexican.
If most of the houses on your block are painted bright pink, mint green, and lavender……………Mexican.
If you use the bushes in front of your house, the fence, or the top of an old car to dry laundry. …Yes, you’re a Mexican.
If you’re congested and your mamasita rubbed ‘Bicks’ on you…You’re Mexican.
IF YOU DON’T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE A TRUE MEXICAN. VIVA LA RAZA!!!

You know you’re laughing your head off. It’s all in fun, so don’t get all ‘adoloridos.’ Just pass it on so another Mexican can laugh too!

10 Truths

Grandson — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 02:29:54 +0000

10 Truths Black and Hispanic people know but White people won’t admit

Elvis is dead.
Jesus was not white.
Rap music is here to stay.
Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
Skinny does not equal sexy.
Thomas Jefferson had black children.
A 5 year old is too big for a stroller.
N’SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 Truths White and Black People know but Hispanic people wont admit

Hickeys are not attractive.
Chicken is food, not a pet or a roommate.
Jesus is not a name for your son.
Your country flag is not a car decoration.
Maria is a name, but not for every daughter.
10 people to a car is considered too many.
‘Jump out and run’ is not in any insurance policies.
Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
Mami & Papi cant possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 Truths White and Hispanic people know but Black people won’t admit

O.J. did it.
Tupac is dead.
Teeth shouldn’t be decorated.
Weddings should start on time.
Your pastor doesn’t know everything.
Jesse Jackson will never be President.
Red is not a Kool Aid flavor, its a color.
Church does not require expensive clothes.
Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.

Send this to 10 people if you think its true & to make someone laugh.