Archive for the Tag 'elderly'

Oct 02 2010

Posted by under Humor

DON’T MESS WITH THE OLD FOLKS…………….

Doctor's

Office and a SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST


 
An older gentleman had an appointment to

see the urologist who shared

offices with several other doctors.   

The waiting room was filled with patients.  

 As he approached the receptionist's desk,

he noticed that the receptionist was a large

unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo

wrestler..  

 He gave her his name.
  

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 

"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;   

YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT

IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" 
 
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their

heads around to look at the very embarrassed man….   

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice

replied,   'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A

SEX CHANGE OPERATION,    BUT I DON'T WANT

THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.' 

 

The room erupted in applause! 


 

DON'T MESS

WITH OLD FOLKS.

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Mar 28 2010

Posted by under Humor

It’s hell to be old

OLD people  have problems that you haven't  even considered yet!  
     
An 85-year-old man was requested by his  Doctor to provide a semen sample as part of his  physical exam. 

The doctor gave the man a  jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'  

The next day  the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the  jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day..  

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this–first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.   Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing…  

'Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.  

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.' 

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'    
   


The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.

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Mar 24 2010

Posted by under Humor

Dad at the mall

 I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes
(he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red,
orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look
and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he
sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything
wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on
his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he
did not bat an eye in his response.
'Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you
were my son.'

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Mar 11 2010

Posted by under Humor

CASH FOR CLUNKERS…………..

Can you relate?

CASH FOR CLUNKERS……….I QUALIFY

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR…

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it —

Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
 

CASH FOR CLUNKERS…….I QUALIFY – How about You??

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