Archive for the Tag 'exercise'

Oct 25 2010

Posted by under Humor


Ok, if the walrus can do this I guess I can….


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Jan 24 2010

Posted by under Humor


smiling doctor
Q: Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true?  
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don't waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.  

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?  
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and corn.  And what are these?   Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?  
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way..  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?  
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?  
A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!


Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?  
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?   

:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?  
A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.  

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?   
A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  
A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?   
A:  Hey!  'Round' a shape!  

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And  remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!"



For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.  

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
      and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.  

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of  sausages and fats  
       and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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Jan 10 2010

Posted by under Humor


The  Importance of  Walking
Walking  can add minutes to your life.
This enables  you at 85 years old
to spend an additional 5  months in a nursing
home at $7000 per  month.

My grandpa  started walking
five miles a day when he was  60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we don't  know where the hell he is.

I like long  walks,
especially when they are taken
by  people who annoy me.

The  only reason I would take up walking
is so  that I could hear heavy breathing  again

I have to walk  early in the morning,
before my brain figures  out what I'm doing….

I  joined a health club last year,
spent about  400 bucks.
Haven't lost a  pound.
Apparently you have to go  there….

Every time I hear  the dirty word 'exercise',
I wash my mouth  out with chocolate.

I do have flabby  thighs,
but fortunately my stomach covers  them.

The advantage of  exercising every day
is so when you die,  they'll say,
'Well, she looks good doesn't  she.'

If you are going  to try cross-country skiing,
start with a  small country.

I know I got a  lot of exercise
the last few  years,……
just getting over the  hill.

We all get  heavier as we get older,
because there's a  lot more information in our heads.
That's my  story and I'm sticking to  it.

Every time I  start thinking too much
about how I  look,
I just find a Happy Hour
and  by the time I leave,
I look just  fine.

 I  could  run this  over  to my friends, but will just email it to  ya!

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E-Mail from Grandma - Blogged