Archive for the Tag 'IRS'

Jun 14 2009

Posted by under Humor

The IRS and Grandpa

Subject: The IRS and Grandpa

 

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the
 IRS office.  The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa
showed up with his attorney.
 
 The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant
 lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by
 saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS
 finds that believable.’
 
 I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says
 Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’
 
 The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go
 ahead.’
 
 Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that
 I can bite my own eye.’
 
 The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a
 bet.’
 
 Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The
 auditor’s jaw drops.
 
 Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand
 dollars that I can bite my other eye.’
 
 Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he
 takes the bet.
 
 Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
 
 The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
 three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He
 starts to get nervous.
 
 ‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks
 ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand
 on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on
 the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in
 between.’
 
 The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
 carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could
 possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
 
 Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
 although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream
 reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much
 urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
 
 The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
 turned a major loss into a huge win.
 
 But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in
 his hands.
 
 ‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.
 
 ‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning,
 when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he
 bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in
 here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy
 about it!’


 
 Don’t Mess with Old People!!

3 Comments »

May 24 2009

Posted by under Humor

The Last Nickel

The Last Nickel

Picture (Metafile)

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

 

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

 

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants;
takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel,

which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

 

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the
nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill
effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her
saying, "I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was
fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

‘No,’ the woman replied. I’m with the I.R.S..’

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Feb 14 2008

Posted by under Reality

FYI… IRS tax rebate amount$…..pass it along

The check is in the mail

Week

Last 2 digits of your SSN

Receive your check by week of

1

00 – 09

July 23

2

10 – 19

July 30

3

20 – 29

August 6

4

30 – 39

August 13

5

40 – 49

August 20

6

50 – 59

August 27

7

60 – 69

Sept. 3

8

70 – 79

Sept. 10

9

80 – 89

Sept. 17

10

90 – 99

Sept. 24

For married taxpayers who filed a joint return, the first Social Security Number on the return determines

 

PDF of the tax rebate breakdown you should expect to see.

DISCLAIMER: I cannot verify these dates as true. This information came to me from my grandma and she got them from someone who worked at the IRS. This is all word of mouth until a source is verifiable.

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