Archive for the Tag 'Jesus'

Jan 05 2010

Posted by under Humor,pictures,Religion

NEW CHURCH SIGNS

   Once you reach the bottom, do what it says………….

 It actually works!
 
New Church Signs


 
  





 
 



 



 Life is Hard

 
Afterlife is Harder!
 
 

 
 Love this next one
 

 
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V
 
 ******
 


 
____________________
 
 
Please forward this to everyone you know and something
 Good will happen to you in the next hour…

Just watch and wait for it.

1 Comment »

Aug 27 2009

Posted by under Humor,Religion

Christian One Liners

 Christian One Liners 

 

Don’t let your worries get the

best of you; remember, Moses started

out as a basket case. 

 

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Some people are kind, polite, and

sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews. 

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Many folks want to serve God,

but only as advisors.

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It is easier to preach ten sermons

than it is to live one. 

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The good Lord didn’t create anything

without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.. 

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When you get to your wit’s end,

you’ll find God lives there.

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People are funny; they want the front

of the bus, the middle of the road, and

the back of the church

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Opportunity may knock once, but temptation

bangs on your front door forever.

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Quit griping about your church;

if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong..

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If the church wants a better preacher,

it only needs to pray for the one it has.

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God Himself does not propose to judge

a man until he is dead. So why should you? 

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Some minds are like concrete

thoroughly mixed up and permanently set. 

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Peace starts with a smile.. 

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A lot of church members who are singing

‘Standing on the Promises’

are just sitting on the premises.

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We were called to be witnesses,

not lawyers or judges..

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Be ye fishers of men.. You catch

them – He’ll clean them. 

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Coincidence is when God

chooses to remain anonymous.

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Don’t put a question mark

where God put a period.

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Don’t wait for 6 strong men

to take you to church. 

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Forbidden fruits create many jams. 

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God doesn’t call the qualified,

He qualifies the called.

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God grades on the cross, not the curve.

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God loves everyone, but probably prefers

‘fruit of the spirit’ over a ‘religious nut!’ 

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God promises a safe landing,

not a calm passage. 

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He who angers you, controls you!

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If God is your Co-pilot – swap seats! 

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Prayer: 

Don’t give God instructions — just report for duty!

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The task ahead of us is never as

great as the Power behind us. 

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The Will of God never takes you to

where the Grace of God will not protect you. 

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We don’t change the message,

the message changes us .

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You can tell how big a person is

by what it takes to discourage him. 

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The best mathematical equation

I have ever seen: 

1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given. 

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If this e-mail blessed you in a profound

way today, my Friend, PLEASE pass

this along to bless others today,

tomorrow and ALWAYS!

May God and His Son bless you

From today on out!

I bet someone will LOVE it

just as much as you did.

 

God Bless America!

1 Comment »

Jun 29 2009

Posted by under Humor

Baptizing a drunk

Baptizing a Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again — – but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
*
*
*
*
*

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!

No Comments »

May 03 2009

Posted by under Religion

You took my space

  One day, a man went to visit a church, He got there early, parked his
car and got out. Another car pulled up near the driver got out and said,
" I always park there! You took my place!" The visitor went inside for
Sunday School, found an empty seat and sat down.
  A young lady from the church approached him and stated, "That’s my
seat! You took my place!" The visitor said nothing.
 
After Sunday School, the visitor went into the sanctuary and sat down.
Another member walked up to him and said, " That’s where I always sit!
You took my place!" The visitor said nothing.
 
Later as  the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them,
the visitor stood up, and his appearance began to change. Horrible scars
became visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet. Someone from the
congregation noticed him and called out, "What happened to you?" The
visitor replied, as his hat became a crown of thorns, and a tear fell
from his eye, "I took your place."

No Comments »

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