Archive for the Tag 'Jesus'

May 05 2008

Posted by under Humor

THE BEST CLEAN JOKE!

This is one of the best clean jokes
I’ve seen in a while!

             Jesus and Satan were having an
on-going argument about who was
better on the computer. They had been going at
it for days, and frankly God
was tired of hearing all the bickering.

             Finally fed up, God said, "THAT’S
IT! I have had enough. I am
going to set up a test that will run for two
hours, and from those results,
I will judge who does the better job."

             So Satan and Jesus sat down at the
keyboards and typed away.

             They moused.

             They faxed.

             They e-mailed.

             They e-mailed with attachments.

             They downloaded.

             They did spreadsheets!

             They wrote reports.

             They created labels and cards.

             They created charts and graphs.

             They did some genealogy reports

             They did every job known to man.

             Jesus worked with  heavenly efficiency

and Satan was  faster than hell.

             Then, ten minutes before their time
was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the
power went off..

             Satan stared at his blank screen
and screamed every curse word
known in the underworld.

             Jesus just sighed.

             Finally the electricity came back
on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

             "It’s gone! It’s all GONE! "I lost
everything when the power went out!"

             Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started
printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

             Satan observed this and became irate.

             "Wait!" he screamed. "That’s not
fair! He cheated! How come he
has all his work and I don’t have any?"

             God just shrugged and said,

             JESUS SAVES!!!

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Mar 23 2008

Posted by under Religion

OBITUARIES: Never saw one like this one

I thought this was so nice right before Easter.
 
 
 
 
 

Pass this on to all who know Jesus.



PRAISE BE TO GOD—THE STORY DOESN’T END HERE!!  FOR HE IS RISEN!!!

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Feb 29 2008

Posted by under Religion

THE CHURCH’S PASTOR

THIS WILL GIVE YOU CHILLS:
AFTER A FEW OF THE USUAL SUNDAY EVENING HYMNS,

THE CHURCH’S PASTOR SLOWLY STOOD UP,

WALKED OVER TO THE PULPIT AND,

BEFORE HE GAVE HIS SERMON FOR THE EVENING,

HE BRIEFLY INTRODUCED A GUEST MINISTER

WHO WAS IN THE SERVICE THAT EVENING.

IN THE INTRODUCTION, THE PASTOR TOLD THE

CONGREGATION THAT THE GUEST MINISTER WAS

ONE OF HIS DEAREST CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AND

THAT HE WANTED HIM TO HAVE A FEW MOMENTS

TO GREET THE CHURCH AND SHARE WHATEVER

HE FELT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE FOR THE SERVICE.

WITH THAT, AN ELDERLY MAN STEPPED UP TO THE

PULPIT AND BEGAN TO SPEAK.

"A FATHER, HIS SON, AND A FRIEND OF HIS SON WERE

SAILING OFF THE
PACIFIC COAST ," HE BEGAN.
"WHEN A FAST APPROACHING STORM BLOCKED ANY

ATTEMPT TO GET BACK TO THE SHORE.

THE WAVES WERE SO HIGH, THAT EVEN THOUGH THE

FATHER WAS AN EXPERIENCED SAILOR, HE COULD NOT

KEEP THE BOAT UPRIGHT AND THE THREE WERE SWEPT

INTO THE OCEAN AS THE BOAT CAPSIZED."

THE OLD MAN HESITATED FOR A MOMENT,

MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH TWO TEENAGERS WHO WERE,

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE SERVICE BEGAN,

LOOKING SOMEWHAT INTERESTED IN HIS STORY.

THE AGED MINISTER CONTINUED WITH HIS STORY,

"GRABBING A RESCUE LINE, THE FATHER HAD TO MAKE THE

MOST EXCRUCIATING DECISION OF HIS LIFE: TO WHICH BOY

WOULD HE THROW THE OTHER END OF THE LIFE LINE.

HE ONLY HAD SECONDS TO MAKE THE DECISION.

THE FATHER KNEW THAT HIS SON WAS A CHRISTIAN AND

HE, ALSO, KNEW THAT HIS SON’S FRIEND WAS NOT.

THE AGONY OF HIS DECISION COULD NOT BE MATCHED BY

THE TORRENT OF WAVES.

AS THE FATHER YELLED OUT, ‘I LOVE YOU, SON!’

HE THREW OUT THE LIFE LINE TO HIS SON’S FRIEND.

BY THE TIME THE FATHER HAD PULLED THE FRIEND BACK

TO THE CAPSIZED BOAT, HIS SON HAD DISAPPEARED BENEATH

THE RAGING SWELLS INTO THE BLACK OF NIGHT.

HIS BODY WAS NEVER RECOVERED.

BY THIS TIME, THE TWO TEENAGERS WERE SITTING UP

STRAIGHT IN THE PEW, ANXIOUSLY WAITING FOR THE NEXT

WORDS TO COME OUT OF THE OLD MINISTER’S MOUTH.

"THE FATHER," HE CONTINUED, "KNEW HIS SON WOULD

STEP INTO ETERNITY WITH JESUS AND HE COULD NOT

BEAR THE THOUGHT OF HIS SON’S FRIEND STEPPING INTO

AN ETERNITY WITHOUT JESUS.. THEREFORE, HE SACRIFICED

HIS SON TO SAVE THE SON’S FRIEND. "

HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE OF GOD THAT HE SHOULD DO THE

SAME FOR US. OUR HEAVENLY FATHER SACRIFICED HIS ONLY

BEGOTTEN SON THAT WE COULD BE SAVED. I URGE YOU TO

ACCEPT HIS OFFER TO RESCUE YOU AND TAKE A HOLD OF THE

LIFE LINE HE IS THROWING OUT TO YOU IN THIS SERVICE."

WITH THAT, THE OLD MAN TURNED AND SAT BACK DOWN IN

HIS CHAIR AS SILENCE FILLED THE ROOM.

THE PASTOR AGAIN WALKED SLOWLY TO THE PULPIT AND

DELIVERED A BRIEF SERMON WITH AN INVITATION AT THE

END. HOWEVER, NO ONE RESPONDED TO THE APPEAL.

WITHIN MINUTES AFTER THE SERVICE ENDED, THE TWO

TEENAGERS WERE AT THE OLD MAN’S SIDE.

"THAT WAS A NICE STORY," POLITELY STATED ONE OF

THEM, "BUT I DON’T THINK IT WAS VERY REALISTIC FOR A

FATHER TO GIVE UP HIS ONLY SON’S LIFE IN HOPES THAT

THE OTHER BOY WOULD BECOME A CHRISTIAN."

"WELL, YOU’VE GOT A POINT THERE," THE OLD MAN REPLIED,

GLANCING DOWN AT HIS WORN BIBLE. A BIG SMILE BROADENED

HIS NARROW FACE. HE ONCE AGAIN LOOKED UP AT THE BOYS

AND SAID, "IT SURE ISN’T VERY REALISTIC, IS IT?  BUT,

I’M STANDING HERE TODAY TO TELL YOU THAT STORY GIVES

ME A GLIMPSE OF WHAT IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE FOR GOD

TO GIVE UP HIS SON FOR ME.

YOU SEE…

I WAS THAT FATHER AND YOUR PASTOR IS MY SON’S FRIEND."

Take 60 seconds & give this a shot.

Let’s see if Satan can stop this one!

All you do is simply:

Say this small prayer for the person who sent you this,

Father, God bless this E-mail sender in whatever it is

you know he or she may be needing this day!

Amen


I would rather live my life as if there is a God and die

to find out there isn’t, than live my life as if there

isn’t and die to find out there is.

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Feb 28 2008

Posted by under Religion

I love this man

I LOVE THIS MAN 

No one falls in love by choice, 
it is by CHANCE. 
No one stays in love by chance, 
it is by WORK. 
And no one falls out of love by chance, 
it is by CHOICE 

scroll down 


If you love this man please forward to 10 people. 

He did something for you, now do something for him. Spread his word, and you’ll be rewarded. 
How will you be rewarded? Matthew 10:32 "Whoever acknowledges Me before men, I will acknowledge him before My Father in heaven. But whoever disowns Me before men, I will disown him before My Father in heaven… 

 
God is going to shift things around for you tonight & let things work in your favor.
As a believer, please send this to your family and friends. Do not ignore him. You must have unwavering faith in him, who died so you would live!

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