E-Mail from Grandma

2 Comments »

 I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas…..

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt!  

No Comments »

Blonde LOGIC.
 
 Two blondes living in Townsville Queensland were sitting on a bench talking……
  And one blonde says to the other, "Which do
 you think is farther away………. Melbourne or the moon?"
 
 The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can
 You see Melbourne …?????"
 
 
 CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
 mechanic it died.
 
 After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She
 says, "What’s the story?"
 
 He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
 
 She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
 
 
 SPEEDING TICKET

 A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very
 nicely if he could see her license.
 
 She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act
 together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
 today you expect me to show it to you!"
 
 
 RIVER WALK

 There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
 another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts,
 "How can I get to the other side?"
 
 The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and
 shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
 
 
 
 AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE

 A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said
 that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
 
 "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
 
 The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
 screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even
 more. So she pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she
 pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched
 made her scream.
 
 The doctor said, "You’re not really a redhead, are you?
 
 "Well, no" she said, "I’m actually a blonde."
 
 "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken !"
 
 
 
 BLONDE ON THE SUN

 A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The
 Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were
 the first on the Moon!"
 
 The Blonde said, "So what? We’re going to be the first on the
 Sun!"
 
 The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their
 heads. "You can’t land on the Sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!" said
 the Russian.
 
 To which the Blonde replied, "We’re not stupid, you know. We’re
 going at night!"
 
 
 IN A VACUUM
 
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
 She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
 question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your
 name, can you hear it?"
 
 She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
 
 
 
 FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
 
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two
 new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
 responded by saying that one was named ‘Rolex’ and one
 was named ‘Timex’.
 
 Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like
 that?"
 
 "HELLLOOOOOOO……," answered the blonde. "They’re watch dogs!"  

No Comments »

April 1st………

Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, ‘April Fool!’ And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard

No Comments »