Archive for the Tag 'kids'

Nov 22 2008

Posted by under Humor

THANKSGIVING DIVORCE

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New  York the day before Thanksgiving and says," I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." 
   
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.  "We  can’t stand 
the sight of each other any longer," the father says.  "We’re  sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister  in Chicago and tell  her." 
   
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.  "Like heck 
they’re getting divorced," she shouts, "I’ll take care of  this." 
   
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams  at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced.  Don’t do a single thing  until I get there.  I’m 
calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there  tomorrow.  Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs  up. 
   
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.  "Okay,"  he says, "they’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own  way."  

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Nov 17 2008

Posted by under Humor

Why Parents Drink

A Mother passing by her son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was
addressed to ‘Mom’ With the worst premonition she opened the envelope with hands and read the letter.
 
Dear Mom:


It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion…   Mom she’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.


Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don’t worry Mom. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.


Love,


Your Son Paul


P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I’m over at Dustin’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that’s in my center desk drawer.
I love you. Call me when it’s safe to come home.

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Apr 15 2008

Posted by under Humor

a little mexican boy

A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face saying, ‘Mom, look, I’m a white boy.’ His mom slaps him in the face and says, ‘Go show your father.’

He goes to his dad in the living room and says, ‘Look dad, I’m a white boy.’ His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, ‘Go show your grandmother .

The boy goes in his grandmother rs room and says, ‘Mira, abuelita, I’m a white boy.’ His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.

His mother says, ‘Did you learn anything from that?’ To which the boy replies, ‘I sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and already I don’t like you Mexicans.’

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