Archive for the Tag 'life'

Mar 14 2009

Posted by under Humor

MEN ARE HAPPIER PEOPLE

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE  

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in  any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a  book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it ….. and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

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Mar 05 2009

Posted by under Humor,pictures

BAD JOB…

When you have a ‘I Hate My Job’ day, [even if retired, you have those sometimes] try this:

 

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson

 

Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

 

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

 

Now the fun part begins.

 

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: ‘Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized.’

 

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,’ I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.’

 

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS!

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Jan 28 2009

Posted by under Humor,pictures

Life

I love this…
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Oct 07 2008

Posted by under Feel Good

Hot Chocolate

Hot Chocolate

 

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. 

Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups – porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain-looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate. 

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said:  "Notice that all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.  While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.  The cup that you’re drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate.  In most cases, it is just more expensive, and in some cases, even hides what we drink.  What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups….  And then you began eyeing each other’s cups. 

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups.  They are just tools to hold and contain life.  The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have.  Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us.  God makes the hot chocolate; man chooses the cups. 

The happiest people don’t have the best of everything.  They just make the best of everything that they have. 

Live simply.  Love generously.  Care deeply. Speak kindly .   
And enjoy your hot chocolate.

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