Archive for the Tag 'medicine'

Oct 02 2010

Posted by under Humor

DON’T MESS WITH THE OLD FOLKS…………….

Doctor's

Office and a SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST


 
An older gentleman had an appointment to

see the urologist who shared

offices with several other doctors.   

The waiting room was filled with patients.  

 As he approached the receptionist's desk,

he noticed that the receptionist was a large

unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo

wrestler..  

 He gave her his name.
  

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 

"YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;   

YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT

IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" 
 
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their

heads around to look at the very embarrassed man….   

He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice

replied,   'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A

SEX CHANGE OPERATION,    BUT I DON'T WANT

THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.' 

 

The room erupted in applause! 


 

DON'T MESS

WITH OLD FOLKS.

No Comments »

Sep 28 2008

Posted by under Humor

WILL I LIVE TO BE 100 ?

WILL I LIVE TO BE 100?

I recently turned 70 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was
doing ‘fairly well’ for my age.*

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist
asking him, ‘Do you think I will live to be 100?’

He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic
 
beverages?

‘Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I don’t do drugs, either.’


‘Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?’
‘I said, ‘No, I usually stay home and keep to myself’.


‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?’
I said, ‘No, my other doctor said that all red meat is
unhealthy!’

‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf,
sailing, hiking or bicycling?’


‘No, I don’t,’ I said

‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?’

‘No,’ I said ‘I don’t do any of those things.’

He looked at me and said, ‘Then why do you give a shit?

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Aug 01 2008

Posted by under Humor

joe’s operation

Joe’s Operation
 
Joe goes to the doctor for his terrible headaches.
The doctor said,   ‘Joe,  the good news is I can cure your severe headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration
You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates your terrible constant headaches. 
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove
 the testicles.’ Joe was shocked and depressed.  He wondered if he had anything to live for.  He had no choice but to go under the knife.  When he left the hospital,  he was without a headache 
for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.As he walked down the street,  he realized that he felt like a different person.  He could make a new beginning and live a new life. 
He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, ‘That’s what
 I need ….  a new suit.’  He entered the shop and told the salesman, ‘I’d like a new suit.’ 
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said,  ‘Let’s
 see …
size 44 long.’ 
Joe laughed,  ‘That’s right,  how did you know?’ 
‘Been in the business 60 years!’  the tailor said. 
Joe tried on the suit;  it fit perfectly. 
As Joe admired himself in the mirror,  the salesman
 asked,  ‘How about a new shirt?’
Joe thought for a moment and then said, ‘Sure.’
The salesman eyed Joe and said,  ‘Let’s see,  34 sleeves
 
and 16-1/2 neck.’ 
Joe was surprised,  ‘That’s right,  how did you know?’ 
‘Been in the business 60 years.’ 
Joe tried on the shirt,  and it fit perfectly. 
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the
 salesman asked, ‘How about some new underwear?’ 
Joe thought for a moment and said, ‘Sure.’ 
The salesman said,  ‘Let’s see … size 36.’ 
Joe laughed,  ‘Ah ha!  I got you,  I’ve worn a size 34
  brief
since I was 18 years old.’
The salesman shook his head,  ‘You can’t wear a size 34.
  
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base

of your spine and give you one hell of a headache’ 

New suit – $400 
New shirt – $36 
New underwear – $6 
Second opinion – PRICELESS

49 Comments »

Jul 22 2008

Posted by under Tips

BANANAS

Hurrah for bananas.  They are kind of like WD40 or those dryer sheets. . .

Thought this was really interesting Going  Banana’s!!  Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas.   He said the expression "going bananas" is from the effects of bananas on the brain.   Read on, you’ll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars – sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.  Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world’s leading athletes.  But energy isn’t the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana! . This i s because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills – eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit’s ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school ( England ) were helped through the ir exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost the ir brain power. Research has shown th! at the p otassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soo the s and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness. </ I>
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes ove! r-acidit y and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many o the r cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mo the rs. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure the ir baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because the y contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 the y contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in the m, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body’s water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, the reby reducing our potassium levels.. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the o the r vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe….polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit !!!

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