Archive for the Tag 'money'

Sep 06 2010

Posted by under Humor

Ol’ Blue

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this – they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that sucker before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. As a Congressman.

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Jun 22 2009

Posted by under Humor,pictures

Man with an ostrich

A man  walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The

waitress asks  them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich,

"What’s yours?"

"I’ll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40

please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change

for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A

hamburger, fries and a coke.

The  ostrich  says, "I’ll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is  Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,"

says  the man.

"Same," says   the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be   $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places

it on the table.

The waitress  cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me,   sir.

How  do you  manage to always come up with the exact change in your

pocket every  time?"

"Well," says   the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and

found  an  old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me

two   wishes.

My  first  wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would  just

put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be  there."

"That’s   brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most  people would ask for a  million

dollars or something, but you’ll  always be as rich as you want  for as long

as you live!"

"That’s right. Whether  it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact

money is  always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What’s with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick

with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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May 24 2009

Posted by under Humor

The Last Nickel

The Last Nickel

Picture (Metafile)

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.
He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.
The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.

 

The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a
newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

 

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants;
takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel,

which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

 

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the
nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill
effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her
saying, "I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was
fantastic. Are you a doctor? "

‘No,’ the woman replied. I’m with the I.R.S..’

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Mar 20 2009

Posted by under Humor

Taxes

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .


 

Then 
he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.


 


 

When


 


 

The postal authorities received the letter to  God  ,  USA  , 
they decided to send it to the President.

 


 


 

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill.

 


 


 

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money

 

to a little boy.

 


 


 

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you 
note to God, which read:

 


 


 

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for 
some reason you sent it through

 

Washington   D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes.

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