E-Mail from Grandma » police

DETROIT FARMS

Grandson — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:39:17 +0000

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:

"FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!"

I guess there aren't many farms in Detroit .. :

Excuse Me !!!

Grandson — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:37:46 +0000

This is undoubtedly the most expressive picture I’ve ever seen of an animal.
You can almost hear him say these words; You want me to do what??
The look on this dog’s face is priceless…
I’m not smellin’ those!

Old people

Grandson — Wed, 27 May 2009 05:11:45 +0000

No one believes old people . . . everyone thinks they’re senile.

An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

They had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to

their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they

walked to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered,

and found the desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved I love you, Sally.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.

There, she counted the money. Fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, we've got to give it back.

Sally said, finders keepers.

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door. They ask: "Did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him. One says:

"Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . "

The FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

GREAT SAYINGS BY POLICE OFFICERS

Grandson — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 05:12:17 +0000

Great sayings by police officers

These 16 Police Comments were taken off police car videos
around the country:

#16 "You know, stop lights don’t come any redder
Than the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they are new,
they’ll stretch after you wear them a while."

# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your Birth
certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second,
because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you."

#11 "You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means
I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think
it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to
do that again, or I’ll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs.

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven.."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to,
but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I’m glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal
friend of yours; you know someone who can post your bail."

            AND THE WINNER IS…
#1 "You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets?
               You’re right, we don’t. Sign here."