E-Mail from Grandma » Religion

NEW CHURCH SIGNS

Grandson — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:54:50 +0000

Once you reach the bottom, do what it says………….

It actually works!

New Church Signs

Life is Hard
Afterlife is Harder!

Love this next one

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Please forward this to everyone you know and something
Good will happen to you in the next hour…
Just watch and wait for it.

Baptizing a drunk

Grandson — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:54:55 +0000

Baptizing a Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again — – but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,
*
*
*
*
*

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!

Da end is near

Grandson — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 05:13:33 +0000

Subject: ‘Da End is Near

Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church and Pastor Thibodaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road.

They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that read:
’Da End is Near Turn Yo Sef ‘Roun Now Afore It Be Too Late!’

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and yelled, ‘You religious nuts!’

From the curve they heard screeching tires, and a big splash…

Boudreaux turns to Thibodaux and asks, "Do ya tink mebbe da sign should jussay…..’Da Bridge is Out’ ?"

A Kept Woman

Grandson — Wed, 13 May 2009 03:17:00 +0000

A Kept Woman

I Am a ‘Kept ‘ Woman

You see, there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind,
But GOD kept me sane. (Isa. 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer,
But the LORD kept me moving. (Gen 28:15)

At times, I’ve wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong,
But the LORD kept my mouth shut.. (Psa. 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn’t enough,
But GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid, etc.., (Matt. 6:25 -34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up.
When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong! (I Pet. 5:7, Matt. 11:28-30)

I could go on and on and on, but I’m sure you hear me!
I’m blessed to be ‘kept ‘

Do you know a ‘kept ‘ woman?
If so pass it on to her to let her know she is ‘Kept ‘

I’m "Kept" by the Love and Grace of God