Archive for the Tag 'sad but true'

Feb 25 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

NOW WE KNOW!!

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

‘Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.’

The dog said: ‘That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I’ll give you back the other ten?’

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

‘Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give
you a twenty-year life span.’

The monkey said: ‘Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like
the Dog did?’

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

‘You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.’

The cow said: ‘That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?’

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

‘Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you
twenty years.’

But man said: ‘Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty,the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and
the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?’

‘Okay,’ said God, ‘You asked for it.’

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I’m doing it
as a public service.

113 Comments »

Feb 17 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

Stella Awards

Just makes you shake your head!!

It’s time again for the annual "Stella Awards"!  For
those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella
Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the
McDonald’s in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee.  You remember, she
took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was
driving.  Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

           
That’s right; these are awards for the most
outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S.   You know, the kinds of cases
that make you scratch your head.  So keep your head scratcher handy.
           
           
Here are the Stella’s for the past year:
           
           
7TH PLACE :
           
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded
$80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running inside a furniture store.  The store owners were
understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was
her own son.
           
6TH PLACE:
           
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won
$74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a
Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel
of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hub caps.
           
Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.
           
5TH PLACE :
           
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was
leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage.  Unfortunately
for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not
get the garage door to open.  Worse, he couldn’t re-enter the house because
the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it
shut.  Forced to sit for eight, count ‘em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi
and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner’s insurance company
claiming undue mental Anguish.  Amazingly, the jury said the insurance
company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.  We should all have this
kind of anguish.
           
Keep scratching.  There are more…
           
4TH PLACE :
           
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered
4th Place in the Stella’s when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses
after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor’s beagle – even
though the beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard.  Williams did
not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might
have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed
over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
           
Grrrrr …  Scratch, scratch.
           
3RD PLACE :
           
Third place goes to Amber Carson of Lancaster ,
Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her
$113, 500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone.
The reason the soft drink was on the floor:  Ms. Carson had thrown it at her
boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.  What ever happened to
people being responsible for their own actions ?
           
Scratch, scratch, scratch.  Hang in there; there are
only two more Stellas to go…
           
2ND PLACE:
           
Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of
a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to
the floor, knocking out her two front teeth.  Even though Ms.  Walton was
trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50
cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000….oh,
yeah, plus dental expenses.  Go figure.
           
           
1ST PLACE:   (May I have a fanfare played on 50
kazoos please?)
           
This year’s runaway First Place Stella Award winner
was Mrs.  Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new
32-foot Winnebago motor home.  On her first trip home from an OU football
game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the driver’s seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make
herself a sandwich.  Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway,
crashed and overturned.  Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued
Winnebago for not putting in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually
leave the driver’s seat while the cruise control was set.  The Oklahoma jury
awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home.
Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in
case Mrs.Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid…????

6 Comments »

Feb 12 2008

Posted by under Reality,Religion

Pink Dress……..Will I get this back

Don’t let your day go on without reading this first, no matter How busy you may be!!!                

The Pink Dress
There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.

Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad.

Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak.

She never said a word.

Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.                

The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see If the little girl would still be there.

Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.

Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl.

For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl’s dress.

It was grotesquely shaped.

I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.

Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different.

As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.

As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly.

She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form.

I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk.

I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, ‘Hello.’

The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a ‘Hi'; after a long Stare into my eyes.                

I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty.

I  asked the girl why she was so sad.

The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, ‘Because, I’m Different.’

I immediately said, ‘That you are!'; and smiled.

The little girl acted even sadder and said, ‘I know.’

‘Little girl,’ I said, ‘you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent.’                

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and Said, ‘Really?’
‘Yes, you’re like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all the people walking by.’

She nodded her head yes, and smiled.

With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her Wings to spread, then she said ‘I am.’

‘I’m your Guardian Angel,’ with a twinkle in her eye.

I was speechless — sure I was seeing things.                

She said, ‘For once you thought of someone other than yourself.
My job here is done’..

I got to my feet and said, ‘Wait, why did no one stop to help an Angel?’

She looked at me, smiled, and said, ‘You’re the only one that could see me,’ and then she was gone.

And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you’re all you have, remember, your angel is Always watching over you                

Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you.                

Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to let them know you’re glad they care about you.          

Like the story says, we all need someone…

And,  every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way.                

The value of a friend is measured in the heart.

I  hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.                

Pass this message to 7 people.
You will receive a miracle tomorrow.

2 Comments »

Feb 09 2008

Posted by under Humor,Reality

things to think about

Philosophy

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.


GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, b ut it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.


SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers licens e.
At age 75 success is . having friends.
At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*



Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short

 

1 Comment »

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