Archive for the Tag 'seniors'

May 27 2009

Posted by under Humor

Old people

No one believes old people . . . everyone thinks they’re senile.  

 
An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
They had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to
their old neighborhood after they retired.  Holding hands they
walked to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered,
and found the desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved I love you, Sally.
 On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.
There, she counted the money. Fifty-thousand dollars.
 Andy said, we've got to give it back.
Sally said, finders keepers.

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
 The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on the door.  They ask:  "Did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
 Sally said,  "No."
 Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
 Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.  One says:
"Tell us the story from the beginning."
 Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday .  . "
 The FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

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Mar 11 2008

Posted by under Humor

*Too funny* Walmart Application

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas .
They hired him because he was so funny…..

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION:  Company’s President or Vice President.  But seriously,
whatever’s available.  If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be
applying here in the first place

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package.  If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can
haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY:  A lot less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:  My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m.  Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:  Yes, but they’re better suited to a more
intimate environment

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:    If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP
TO 50 lbs.?:  Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do
you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:  I may already be a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  On the job – no! 
                            On my breaks – yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest
thing since sliced bread.  Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE ….7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?:  Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock! ***

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