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Things Learned in the South
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A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
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There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
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There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before.
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If it grows, it’ll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
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Onced and Twiced are words.
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It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
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“Jaw-P?” means “Did y’all go to the bathroom?”
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People actually grow and eat okra.
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Fixinto is one word. It means I’m fixing to do that.
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There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there is supper.
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Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar.
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Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
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The word “jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
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You don’t have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
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You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
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“No, Jew?” is a common response to the question, “Did you bring any beer?”
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You measure distance in minutes.
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You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
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All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
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You carry jumper cables in your car – for your OWN car.
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You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Tony’s, Tabasco and ketchup.
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The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motor sports, and gossip.
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You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
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You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit a bit warm.
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You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
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Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as “goin’ Wal-Martin’” or “off to Wally World”.
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You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather.
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Fried catfish is the other white meat.
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We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.
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You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
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