Archive for the Tag 'stereotypes'

Jul 19 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

MEN

You women will love this….. and you guys are man enough to love it too.

 

 

 

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his s weat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb…
———————————————————–
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I’ll miss you…"
———————————————————–
"It’s just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
———————————————————–
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
———————————————————–
A man and his wife, now in their 60’s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger…
Whoosh…immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
———————————————————–
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I’ll beat him to death.
AMEN
———————————————————–
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
———————————————————–
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
———————————————————–
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
———————————————————–
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
———————————————————–
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
———————————————————–
Send this to at least five bright, funny women you know and make their day!


 
And send this to five bright men who have enough sense of humor to take it!

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Jul 15 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

CIA JOB INTERVIEW…. 

CIA Job Interview

The CIA had an opening for an assassin...

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the
circumstances.  Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a
chair...  kill  her!!

The man said, 'You can't be serious.  I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.  Take your
wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room.  All was quiet for about 5
minutes.  The man came out with tears in his eyes.
'I tried, but I
 can't kill my wife.'
The agent said, 'You don' have what it takes.  Take your wife
home.'

Then it was the woman's turn...
She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.  She took the
gun and went into the room.  Shots were heard, one after another.  They
heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.  After a few minutes,
all was quiet.  The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping
the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks,' she said.  'I had to beat him to
death
with the chair.'

                        MORAL:
                        Women are crazy.
                        Don't mess with them.

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Jul 10 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

OBSESSIONS….

Subject: Obsessions….

A psychiatrist was conducting a group the rapy session
with four young
mothers and their small children. “You all have
obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother, Mary: ‘You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even
named your daughter Candy.’
‘He turned to the second Mom, Ann: ‘Your
obsession is with money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name,
Penny.’

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: ‘Your obsession is
alcohol. This too
shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.’

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got
up, took her little
boy by the hand and whispered, ‘Come on, Dick, we’re
leaving.”

1 Comment »

Jun 29 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

BITCHOLOGY

BITCHOLOGY

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own
way, they call me a bitch..

Being a bitch means I won’t compromise what’s in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am
defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being
everyone’s maid, or when I act a little selfish.

It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who
I truly
am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I
’should’ be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and
there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash
every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won’t succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B – Babe
I – In
T – Total
C – Control of
H – Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

Send this to 5 women to put a smile on their face!!
‘If you can’t do something right, get a woman to do it.’

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