Archive for the Tag 'stupidity'

Jun 19 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

The Tequila Test

The Tequila Test:
 
 If this doesn’t make you laugh — then you must really be having a bad
 day!!! This is why we should know our limits when drinking tequila.
 
 A guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and
 sees it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be
 thousands of dollars in it.
 
 He approaches the bartender and asks. ‘What’s up with the jar?’
 Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money.’
 
 The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up. ‘What are the three tests?’
 Pay first, those are the rules.’ says the bartender.
 
 So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.
 ’OK,’ the bartender says. ‘Here’s what you need to do:
 
 First, You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, all at
 once…and you can’t make a face while doing it.
 
 Second, There’s a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You
 have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.
 
 Third, There’s a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never reached
 orgasm during intercourse. You’ve gotta make things right for her.’
 
 The man is stunned. ‘I know I paid my $10, but I’m not an idiot, I
 won’t do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila,
 and then do those other things…’
 
 ’Your call,’ says the bartender, ‘but your money stays where it is.’

 As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, the n a few more, he asks,
 ’Where zzat tequila?’
 He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp.
 Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn’t make a face.
 
 Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and soon
  the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on
 outside.  They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit
 bull yelping and then silence.

 Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back
 into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all
 over his body.
 
 ’Now,’ he says. ‘Where’s the old woman with the sore tooth?

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May 03 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

Why Women Live Longer - Awesome ‘I’m the man’ pic…

Standing on a bucket on TOP of a ladder.  Brilliant !!!
 
This CAN’T be right.
   
Ummmm???  At least someone’s holding the ladder steady.
 
 
Isn’t this a violation of the seatbelt laws?
 
 
Shouldn’t he be wearing a lifejacket?
 
 
Wonder what he makes an hour?  It can’t be enough.
 
Who needs a truck?
 
I get by with a little help from my friends.
   
Oh yeah, THAT’s safe!
 
 
HMMM, maybe he couldn’t see the huge yellow sign that said CLEARANCE.
 
Hey, I strapped it down.
 
Hey, he has a special license to drive that truck.
 
 
Maybe we shouldn’t have parked it on the side of a hill.
 
 
No problem, I can see through the holes.
 
It starts at a young age and men just get worse.
 
 
You hold it while I whack it with this hammer.
 
 
A new OSHA approved substitute for ladders.
 
 
Ropes are for sissies.
 
 
Kubota’s new tractor mounted scaffolding.
 
 
Always obey traffic signs.
 
 
All I wanna know is, HOW?
 
Now I wanna know why?
 
 
One way to beat high gas prices.
 
I can cut it down AND load it in the truck!!! 

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Apr 04 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

Jokes to Offend Everyone

JOKES TO OFFEND EVERYONE

 


What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?



 
Juan on Juan

 


What is a Yankee?


The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

 


What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?


The position of the dirt bag


 


Why is divorce so expensive?


Because it’s worth it.



 
 
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?


 

Doughnuts

 


Why is air a lot like sex?


Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.

 


What do you call a smart blonde?



 
A golden retriever.

 


What do attorneys use for birth control?

 


Their personalities.

 


What’s the difference between a BOYFRIEND  and a husband?


10 years and 45 lbs

 


What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?


  45 minutes

 


What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?


Through his chest with a sharp knife

 


Why do men want to marry virgins?


They can’t stand criticism.



 
 Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?


Because those men already have boyfriends.


 


What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?


After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

 


Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?


The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

 


Why don’t bunnies make noise when they have sex?


  Because they have cotton balls.

 


What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW?


A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

 


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?


‘Are you sure it’s mine?’

 


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?


Mace will do that to you.

 


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?


Everyone has the same DNA.

 


Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?


Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

 


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?


A different bar.

 


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a

blonde baby?


They named him ‘Sum Ting Wong’



 
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?


A speech impediment



 
What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

 


A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.

 


How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?


Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

 

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?


A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time ..’ -

A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit….

 

9 Comments »

Mar 29 2008

Posted by Grandson under Humor

WHY SOME WOMEN STAY SINGLE

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