Archive for the Tag 'witness'

Apr 02 2008

Posted by under Humor


Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi  grandma
a question if they aren’t prepared for the  answer.

                       In a trial, a Southern small-town  prosecuting
attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly,  elderly woman to
the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs.  Jones, do you know me?’
She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr.  Williams. I’ve known you
since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve  been a big disappointment to
me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,  and you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs.  You think you’re a big shot when you
haven’t the brains to realize  you’ll never amount to anything more than
a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know  you.’

                       The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what  else
to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do  you know
the defense attorney?’

                       She again replied, ‘ Why  yes, I do. I’ve known
Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.  He’s lazy, bigoted, and he
has a drinking problem. He can’t build a  normal relationship with
anyone, and his law practice is one of the  worst in the entire state.
Not to mention he cheated on his wife  with three different women. One
of them was your wife. Yes, I know  him.’

                       The defense attorney nearly died.

                       The judge  asked both counselors to approach the
bench and, in a very quiet  voice, said,

                       ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows
me,  I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’

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