Archive for the Tag 'women'

Jul 21 2010

Posted by under Humor

THE MULE AND THE NAGGING WIFE

THE MULE AND THE NAGGING WIFE

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.

When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

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Apr 13 2010

Posted by under Humor

Menopause Jewelry

Good enough I had to pass it along. LOL

Menopause Jewelry

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green.  When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.   Dumb ass.

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Mar 16 2010

Posted by under Humor,Tips

Girlie Wisdom

Girlie Wisdom!cid:1.4233646816@web63607.mail.re1.yahoo.com 

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills… she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.. 
 

2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.


3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.


4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoe
s.

5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does. 


6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.


7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. 


8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
 

9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers'.


10. 
Amazing!  You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes! 

11. Skinny people irritate me!  Especially when they say things like…'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' …..Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.  You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat! 


12.. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.


13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?  That's my idea of a perfect day! 


SEND THIS TO 5 BRIGHT WOMEN YOU KNOW AND MAKE THEIR DAY!!!
LIVE SIMPLY……LAUGH OFTEN….LOVE DEEPLY
 
  
cid:2.4233646817@web63607.mail.re1.yahoo.com

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Mar 10 2010

Posted by under Humor

A Woman’s wildest desire…..

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work
   cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall,
   exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man
   entered. He was so striking that the woman could not
   take her eyes off him.
 
  
   The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive
   stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will)
   Before she could offer her apologies for staring so
   rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, 'I'll do
   anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do,
   no matter how kinky, for $20.00.
  
   On one condition
  
   Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition
   was.
   The man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me
   to do in just three words.'
 
  
   The woman considered his proposition for a moment,
   and
   then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which
   she
   pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She
   looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and
   meaningfully
   said…
 
  
 
   'Clean my house.'

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